THE BEST
1: AcroArmy (Acrobats) They put on a hell of show that I would want to watch again. great moves.
2: Blue Journey (Creative Dance) This was a beautiful and surreal dance that was really well choreographed.
3: Mat Franco (Magician) If you really
think about, you can kinda get a picture on how it was done, but it was
still impressive never the less.
THE OKAY
4: Emil & Dariel (Cellist) This was a
grand cover of "Live and Let Die" but nothing that stood out from other
covers of the song I've heard before.
5: Christian Stoinev (Balancing Act) The hand walking was pretty impressive, but the focus being on the dog is what is killing this act.
6: Smoothini (Magician) Pretty
impressive slight of hand, but it's still just slight of hand. For a
"million dollar act" we deserve something more.
THE WORST
7: Baila Combingo (Dancers) This was just meh.
8: Jonah Smith (Singer) He was fine, but I'm sick of the singers on this show.
9: Jacob Curlee (Another Singer) He sucked.
10: Kelli Glover (Yet Another Singer) She really sucked.
11: Quintavious Johnson (Hey Look! He's a Sing Too!) He really really sucked.
12: Wendy Liebman (Comedian) If something
or someone makes a person laugh, then by definition they are funny.
However, I don't think Wendy is funny. I think the "laughs" she got out
of the judges and the few people in the audience were conditioned
laughs. Like Pavlov's dog.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
America's Got Talent Season 9 QF Week 4.
I'm going to split tonight's acts into 3 groups. The Good, The Okay, and The Terrible.
THE GOOD
1: Jonatan Riquelme (Danger Act) This was the act I's been waiting for all season. It was intense, it had me on edge, and I loved every second of it.
2: Ninna Buri (Contortionist) If this gal asks you if you are a god, you say "yes." And then watch her perform one of the most gorgeous contortionist acts you will ever see. She is a living work of art.
THE OKAY
3: Extreme (Dance Group) Performing after the Bad Boys of Ballet helped this act a lot. It may it so much better than it probably actually was.
4: Mothmen Dance (Aerial Dance Group)It's a good concept, but they really didn't take it to the elvels they should have. It all seemed pretty bland as a whole.
5: Kelli Glover (Singer) She sounded pretty good. But you have to be a great singer to really stand out on these shows. She isn't great.
6: Emil & Dariel (Cellists) Their rendition of "Can't Get No Satisfaction" was just, and this is the theme for most of the acts this season, fine. It was nothing special. Nothing really unique. I've seen much better covers of rock songs with non-traditional instruments on YouTube.
7: Jonah Smith: I take notes as I watch and then I type them out here, I got this guy marked as "Okay" but I'll be damned if I can remember a thing about him. And I'm typing this just 10 minutes after finishing the show.
THE BAD
8: Smoothini (Magician) The season's magic acts have been terrible. Smoothini was supposed to be the saving grace. He wasn't. The tricks were very good slight of hand tricks, but it's street magic performed on a stage. It was kind of sad to watch, and having Howie up there made it worse.
9: Quintavious Jones (Singer) Completely overrated. You could put a good engine into a car, but it still ain't going anywhere unless it has wheels. This kid doesn't have the wheels.
10: Once Voice Children's Choir (Choir) This was a mess. The kids really don't sound that great together and the lead girl's voice just isn't strong enough.
11: Dom The Bom's Triple Threat (Card Thrower) Another mess. The only thing this kid's got going for him is, he's a kid. Having watched a lot of Ricky Jay videos, if this kid was an adult doing all of this, it wouldn't really be impressive.
12: Bad Boys Of Ballet: This was the most boring act ever presented this season. Terrible.
THE GOOD
1: Jonatan Riquelme (Danger Act) This was the act I's been waiting for all season. It was intense, it had me on edge, and I loved every second of it.
2: Ninna Buri (Contortionist) If this gal asks you if you are a god, you say "yes." And then watch her perform one of the most gorgeous contortionist acts you will ever see. She is a living work of art.
THE OKAY
3: Extreme (Dance Group) Performing after the Bad Boys of Ballet helped this act a lot. It may it so much better than it probably actually was.
4: Mothmen Dance (Aerial Dance Group)It's a good concept, but they really didn't take it to the elvels they should have. It all seemed pretty bland as a whole.
5: Kelli Glover (Singer) She sounded pretty good. But you have to be a great singer to really stand out on these shows. She isn't great.
6: Emil & Dariel (Cellists) Their rendition of "Can't Get No Satisfaction" was just, and this is the theme for most of the acts this season, fine. It was nothing special. Nothing really unique. I've seen much better covers of rock songs with non-traditional instruments on YouTube.
7: Jonah Smith: I take notes as I watch and then I type them out here, I got this guy marked as "Okay" but I'll be damned if I can remember a thing about him. And I'm typing this just 10 minutes after finishing the show.
THE BAD
8: Smoothini (Magician) The season's magic acts have been terrible. Smoothini was supposed to be the saving grace. He wasn't. The tricks were very good slight of hand tricks, but it's street magic performed on a stage. It was kind of sad to watch, and having Howie up there made it worse.
9: Quintavious Jones (Singer) Completely overrated. You could put a good engine into a car, but it still ain't going anywhere unless it has wheels. This kid doesn't have the wheels.
10: Once Voice Children's Choir (Choir) This was a mess. The kids really don't sound that great together and the lead girl's voice just isn't strong enough.
11: Dom The Bom's Triple Threat (Card Thrower) Another mess. The only thing this kid's got going for him is, he's a kid. Having watched a lot of Ricky Jay videos, if this kid was an adult doing all of this, it wouldn't really be impressive.
12: Bad Boys Of Ballet: This was the most boring act ever presented this season. Terrible.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
America's Got Talent Season 9 Quarter Finals Round 3
Here are tonight's acts from best to worst.
1: Christian Stoinev (Acrobat) I'm more of a cat person, but that dog was pretty damn good. The human is very good as well. Taking the typical balancing act and adding the dog is a recipe for success.
2: Blue Journey (Dance Duo) Another act using background animations to their advantage, they did very well, considering hald of the time they were on the floor. It was a magical thing to watch.
3: Sons of Serendip: (Band) They did a cover of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" and it was a very good cover. I really like the way they arrange the songs.
4: AcroArmy (Acrobats) This was very entertaining. Some dangerous moves and unique positions were displayed. They used "Mind Heist" from the Inception trailer which has been proven scientifically to make anything appear epic when it's being played.
5: Kiernan & Finian Makepeace (Band of Brothers) They did a cover of Ellie Goulding's "Lights." I actually enjoyed this cover. They did something different with it and it worked.
6: Cornell Bhangra (Dance Group) I'm surprised that I actually liked this more than I thought I would. I don't think I could stand too much of it, but it was enjoyable for the small time they were performing.
7: Dragon House "The Agents" (Dance Group) This seemed like the typical slow motion/contortionist dance moves we've seen numerous times on this show. There was no real flow to their performance tonight, it was just there but not really doing anything.
8: Anna Clendening (Singer) Did a cover of Christina Perri's "Human." Because of course she would. I don't buy this chick's deal at all.I felt nothing at all while hearing this.
9: Adrian Romof (Pianist) He can play the piano really well. Whoopty do. Fine, he's 9, a child prodigy, and blah blah blah. It's more fun watching Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia play Heart and Soul on a walking piano than watching this kid play anything.
10: Mike Super (Magician) The "Desmond" act is tiring. The tricks are mundane at best.
11: Paul Ieti (Singer) This was ho hum. I don't like his voice at all.
12: Wendy Liebman (Comedian) Yesterday, the laughter died. Wendy did nothing to resurrect it.
1: Christian Stoinev (Acrobat) I'm more of a cat person, but that dog was pretty damn good. The human is very good as well. Taking the typical balancing act and adding the dog is a recipe for success.
2: Blue Journey (Dance Duo) Another act using background animations to their advantage, they did very well, considering hald of the time they were on the floor. It was a magical thing to watch.
3: Sons of Serendip: (Band) They did a cover of Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game" and it was a very good cover. I really like the way they arrange the songs.
4: AcroArmy (Acrobats) This was very entertaining. Some dangerous moves and unique positions were displayed. They used "Mind Heist" from the Inception trailer which has been proven scientifically to make anything appear epic when it's being played.
5: Kiernan & Finian Makepeace (Band of Brothers) They did a cover of Ellie Goulding's "Lights." I actually enjoyed this cover. They did something different with it and it worked.
6: Cornell Bhangra (Dance Group) I'm surprised that I actually liked this more than I thought I would. I don't think I could stand too much of it, but it was enjoyable for the small time they were performing.
7: Dragon House "The Agents" (Dance Group) This seemed like the typical slow motion/contortionist dance moves we've seen numerous times on this show. There was no real flow to their performance tonight, it was just there but not really doing anything.
8: Anna Clendening (Singer) Did a cover of Christina Perri's "Human." Because of course she would. I don't buy this chick's deal at all.I felt nothing at all while hearing this.
9: Adrian Romof (Pianist) He can play the piano really well. Whoopty do. Fine, he's 9, a child prodigy, and blah blah blah. It's more fun watching Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia play Heart and Soul on a walking piano than watching this kid play anything.
10: Mike Super (Magician) The "Desmond" act is tiring. The tricks are mundane at best.
11: Paul Ieti (Singer) This was ho hum. I don't like his voice at all.
12: Wendy Liebman (Comedian) Yesterday, the laughter died. Wendy did nothing to resurrect it.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
America's Got Talent Season 9 Quarter Finals Round 2
Oooh boy, this was a bad night. Let's get this over with. Order of acts are listed from Best to Worst.
1: Aerial Animation (Aerial Acrobat) The only act of the night that had some imagination behind it. She could be this year's Kenichi.
2: Andrey Moraru (Hand Balance) He is very good at twisting his body around and doing incredible poses and moves, but I feel if he made the act a little more dangerous, he would really up the ante of entertainment.
3: Darik Santos (Comedian) The judges are spot on with Emo Philips comparisons. This guy seems like he could be Emo's son. But he's not at the talent level that Emo was on his bad days. Darik's jokes are very much styled like Emo's, but Emo's do a lot better job of going to places you don't expect. That being said, Darik did make me laugh a few times during his act.
4: Loop Rawlins (Cowboy) Tonight seemed more of the same, despite the ring of fire, which really didn't do anything. He's very good at twirling the rope around, but he needs to step his game up.
5: Mat Franco (Magician) He's got one thing going for him, he's no where near as bad as David and Leeman. However, his trick wasn't very good tonight. It was obvious Howie was in on the act. Sad.
6: Acte II (Opera Duet) They were the most solid of the singers tonight, but it was a weird opera rendition of "I Will Always Love You." They made it this far in the list just by not sucking as much as the others.
7: Hart Dance Team (Dance Group) They had an interesting gimmick, but they didn't do much with it. It quickly devolved into a typical dance group routine, and we got to much of those as it is.
8: Jacob Curlee (Singer) I was to busy getting over my nausea from hearing about his foster home story again to really listen to him sing. From what I did hear, it sounded mediocre at best.
9: Mara Justine (Singer) When she gets into her lower register, she really sucks. When she gets higher and at her normal range, she only sounds slightly sucky.
10: John & Andrew (Dancers) They move really well together. I don't care that it's two guys dancing, but when two people are dancing, they should be doing something inventive. I saw none of that.
11: Livy, Matt, & Sammy (Band) They did a horrible rendition of Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls." It was an indie band cover and it was as bland as you would expect it to be. This sucked hard.
12: Juan Carlos (Stupid Waste of Time) This was a stupid waste of time.
1: Aerial Animation (Aerial Acrobat) The only act of the night that had some imagination behind it. She could be this year's Kenichi.
2: Andrey Moraru (Hand Balance) He is very good at twisting his body around and doing incredible poses and moves, but I feel if he made the act a little more dangerous, he would really up the ante of entertainment.
3: Darik Santos (Comedian) The judges are spot on with Emo Philips comparisons. This guy seems like he could be Emo's son. But he's not at the talent level that Emo was on his bad days. Darik's jokes are very much styled like Emo's, but Emo's do a lot better job of going to places you don't expect. That being said, Darik did make me laugh a few times during his act.
4: Loop Rawlins (Cowboy) Tonight seemed more of the same, despite the ring of fire, which really didn't do anything. He's very good at twirling the rope around, but he needs to step his game up.
5: Mat Franco (Magician) He's got one thing going for him, he's no where near as bad as David and Leeman. However, his trick wasn't very good tonight. It was obvious Howie was in on the act. Sad.
6: Acte II (Opera Duet) They were the most solid of the singers tonight, but it was a weird opera rendition of "I Will Always Love You." They made it this far in the list just by not sucking as much as the others.
7: Hart Dance Team (Dance Group) They had an interesting gimmick, but they didn't do much with it. It quickly devolved into a typical dance group routine, and we got to much of those as it is.
8: Jacob Curlee (Singer) I was to busy getting over my nausea from hearing about his foster home story again to really listen to him sing. From what I did hear, it sounded mediocre at best.
9: Mara Justine (Singer) When she gets into her lower register, she really sucks. When she gets higher and at her normal range, she only sounds slightly sucky.
10: John & Andrew (Dancers) They move really well together. I don't care that it's two guys dancing, but when two people are dancing, they should be doing something inventive. I saw none of that.
11: Livy, Matt, & Sammy (Band) They did a horrible rendition of Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls." It was an indie band cover and it was as bland as you would expect it to be. This sucked hard.
12: Juan Carlos (Stupid Waste of Time) This was a stupid waste of time.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
America's Got Talent Season 9 Quarterfinals Round 1
I will present to you tonight's acts from best to worst.
1. Valo & Booby (Danger Act) This was innovative, risky, and dangerous. It was also fantastic. I love acts that make me sit up and pay attention and this one had me on edge.
2. J.D. Anderson (Strongman Act) Just like Valo and Bobby, this was entertaining to watch. This risk involved kicks it up a notch. And watching him mess one up and almost blocking out just added to the excitement.
3. Dan Naturman (Comedian) The doctor bit was very good. He made me laugh out loud, which is what a comedian is supposed to do.
4. Miguel Dakota (Singer) He sang "Come Together" by The Beatles. Finally, a singer that knows how to mix it up once in a while. Biggest pet peeve are singers who perform the same way over and over on these shows. He was the best singer of the night.
5. Jasmine Flowers (Fan Dancers) I'm not a fan (wink wink) of general dance groups, but the dance groups that bring something interesting into their acts are always welcome. The fan dancing is great. They just need to kick it up a notch.
6. Flight Crew Jump Rope (Rope Jumpers) This wasn't exciting as it could have been. They said it was dangerous, but it looked liked they played it safe. It's fun to watch, but it didn't make me sit up and pay too much attention.
7. Emily West (Singer) She sang "Chandelier" by Sia. This wasn't very impressive. The song sucks, her voice was good, but it just didn't have the right kind of spark. She looks like she does belong in New York though. Just on a street corner and not at Radio City Music Hall.
8. The Willis Clan (Singing Group) They sang "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and The News. Points for singing a song from Back To The Future. The bluegrass style could have worked if they had put a bit more energy into it. As such, it felt kind of flat.
9. Baila Commingo (Dance Group) The can move fast and they are well coordinated, which you would want from a dance group. But that's all they do. Dance. Nothing added to it, nothing new. So, boring as hell.
10. Julia Goodwin (Singer) Sang "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls. She would do really well on the stage she actually belongs on, a High School Talent Show stage.
11. David & Leeman (Magicians) So, they had Howie read off a word on a piece of a book page, that they had picked out. And when Howie didn't give them the word they wanted, they had him pick a different one, that they pointed out to him. What a shocking trick! This was all around dull. The set up was dull and the reveal was dull. I've seen better magic tricks at a 6 year old's birthday party.
12. Sean & Luke (Tap Dancers) Watching two guys tap dance is as exciting as reading a Lego instruction booklet, without having any Legos. You can't spell Tap Dancing Brothers without B-O-R-I-N-G.
1. Valo & Booby (Danger Act) This was innovative, risky, and dangerous. It was also fantastic. I love acts that make me sit up and pay attention and this one had me on edge.
2. J.D. Anderson (Strongman Act) Just like Valo and Bobby, this was entertaining to watch. This risk involved kicks it up a notch. And watching him mess one up and almost blocking out just added to the excitement.
3. Dan Naturman (Comedian) The doctor bit was very good. He made me laugh out loud, which is what a comedian is supposed to do.
4. Miguel Dakota (Singer) He sang "Come Together" by The Beatles. Finally, a singer that knows how to mix it up once in a while. Biggest pet peeve are singers who perform the same way over and over on these shows. He was the best singer of the night.
5. Jasmine Flowers (Fan Dancers) I'm not a fan (wink wink) of general dance groups, but the dance groups that bring something interesting into their acts are always welcome. The fan dancing is great. They just need to kick it up a notch.
6. Flight Crew Jump Rope (Rope Jumpers) This wasn't exciting as it could have been. They said it was dangerous, but it looked liked they played it safe. It's fun to watch, but it didn't make me sit up and pay too much attention.
7. Emily West (Singer) She sang "Chandelier" by Sia. This wasn't very impressive. The song sucks, her voice was good, but it just didn't have the right kind of spark. She looks like she does belong in New York though. Just on a street corner and not at Radio City Music Hall.
8. The Willis Clan (Singing Group) They sang "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and The News. Points for singing a song from Back To The Future. The bluegrass style could have worked if they had put a bit more energy into it. As such, it felt kind of flat.
9. Baila Commingo (Dance Group) The can move fast and they are well coordinated, which you would want from a dance group. But that's all they do. Dance. Nothing added to it, nothing new. So, boring as hell.
10. Julia Goodwin (Singer) Sang "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls. She would do really well on the stage she actually belongs on, a High School Talent Show stage.
11. David & Leeman (Magicians) So, they had Howie read off a word on a piece of a book page, that they had picked out. And when Howie didn't give them the word they wanted, they had him pick a different one, that they pointed out to him. What a shocking trick! This was all around dull. The set up was dull and the reveal was dull. I've seen better magic tricks at a 6 year old's birthday party.
12. Sean & Luke (Tap Dancers) Watching two guys tap dance is as exciting as reading a Lego instruction booklet, without having any Legos. You can't spell Tap Dancing Brothers without B-O-R-I-N-G.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
American Idol Season 13 Final 3
This whole Selfie thing makes me wish that we'd all get wiped out by a
giant asteroid. Still wouldn't stop these selfie douches to take a pic
of themselves with the asteroid in the background. Omg!
#EndOfTheWorldSelfie #YOLO
Randy's Picks
Caleb: Sang "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS. If the lead singer of INXS hadn't killed himself back in 1997, he probably would have killed himself tonight after hearing this performance. This was dreadful.
#HopeHisVoiceTearsApart
Alex: He sang "Pompeii" by Bastille. I love this song, so as soon as Randy said he picked this song for Alex, Randy became dead to me. Hearing Alex sing it was like that scene in "Pet Sematary." The one where the father see Gage get hit by the truck. That's how I felt hearing Alex sing this. Alex attempting to perform this song is the equivalent of Corky from "Life Goes One" being the lead role in "Hamlet." Terrible.
#BelongsInTheBastille
Jena: Sang "Titanium." Well, her voice wasn't titanium, more like hydrogen. It was all over the place. She has the kind of voice that can cause seizures.
#SheWillFall
Judges Picks.
Caleb: He sang "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Before we begin. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX5TO_-CztU That's how this song is done. Caleb's version, was laughably bad. This was so weak. It was like watching a 5 year old bowl with an adult sized bowling ball.
#LeaveTheSlayingOfDemonsToSamAndDean
Alex: Sang "Stay" by Rihanna. This performance was as bad as the suit he was wearing. Once again, he sang this song in the same style as every song he has sang. There was this act on America's Got Talent that sang the exact same song every time they performed. It was called The Booty Song or something stupid like that. Anyways, THEY were more versatile than Alex is.
#Go
Jena: Sang "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato. In the first episode of "house of Cards" Frank Underwood discovers his neighbor's dog after it was hit by a hit and run driver. Frank snaps the dog's neck, not just to put it out of its misery, but to get the situation over with. This performance needed a Frank Underwood.
#GaveMeAnEarAttack.
Home Town Picks.
Caleb: His retarded fans voted for "Dazed and Confused" by Zeppelin. Same crap, different day. This was just bad. The theatrics at the end were a joke. And not the funny kind. The audience and judges reaction to this was embarrassing.
#DejaBlew
Alex: Sang "Story of My Life" again. The band that sang this song is "One Direction." Alex has no direction. He is on a dead end street. He is the lowest rung on the ladder. People only like him because he is simple. He is the easy mode on video games. These things are fine, on occasion, but all of the time is just pathetic. And Alex is like that all of the time.
#LoserTheLifeStoryOfAlex
Jena: Sang "Creep." Again. A bad performance that capped off one of the worst Final 3 in Idol history.
#NoneOfYouBelongHere
Randy's Picks
Caleb: Sang "Never Tear Us Apart" by INXS. If the lead singer of INXS hadn't killed himself back in 1997, he probably would have killed himself tonight after hearing this performance. This was dreadful.
#HopeHisVoiceTearsApart
Alex: He sang "Pompeii" by Bastille. I love this song, so as soon as Randy said he picked this song for Alex, Randy became dead to me. Hearing Alex sing it was like that scene in "Pet Sematary." The one where the father see Gage get hit by the truck. That's how I felt hearing Alex sing this. Alex attempting to perform this song is the equivalent of Corky from "Life Goes One" being the lead role in "Hamlet." Terrible.
#BelongsInTheBastille
Jena: Sang "Titanium." Well, her voice wasn't titanium, more like hydrogen. It was all over the place. She has the kind of voice that can cause seizures.
#SheWillFall
Judges Picks.
Caleb: He sang "Demons" by Imagine Dragons. Before we begin. Watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX5TO_-CztU That's how this song is done. Caleb's version, was laughably bad. This was so weak. It was like watching a 5 year old bowl with an adult sized bowling ball.
#LeaveTheSlayingOfDemonsToSamAndDean
Alex: Sang "Stay" by Rihanna. This performance was as bad as the suit he was wearing. Once again, he sang this song in the same style as every song he has sang. There was this act on America's Got Talent that sang the exact same song every time they performed. It was called The Booty Song or something stupid like that. Anyways, THEY were more versatile than Alex is.
#Go
Jena: Sang "Heart Attack" by Demi Lovato. In the first episode of "house of Cards" Frank Underwood discovers his neighbor's dog after it was hit by a hit and run driver. Frank snaps the dog's neck, not just to put it out of its misery, but to get the situation over with. This performance needed a Frank Underwood.
#GaveMeAnEarAttack.
Home Town Picks.
Caleb: His retarded fans voted for "Dazed and Confused" by Zeppelin. Same crap, different day. This was just bad. The theatrics at the end were a joke. And not the funny kind. The audience and judges reaction to this was embarrassing.
#DejaBlew
Alex: Sang "Story of My Life" again. The band that sang this song is "One Direction." Alex has no direction. He is on a dead end street. He is the lowest rung on the ladder. People only like him because he is simple. He is the easy mode on video games. These things are fine, on occasion, but all of the time is just pathetic. And Alex is like that all of the time.
#LoserTheLifeStoryOfAlex
Jena: Sang "Creep." Again. A bad performance that capped off one of the worst Final 3 in Idol history.
#NoneOfYouBelongHere
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
American Idol Top 4 5/7/14
The selfie thing was stupid. And people actually taking part in it was stupid. As above, so below.
BREAK UP SONGS
Caleb: He sang "You Give Love A Bad Name." Caleb, you give rock a bad name. Another typical Caleb performance.
#SofaKingWeToddEd
Jessica: Sang "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. She gave this song a rocker chick edge to it. Perfect for this song. It wasn't her best, but it was still better than average.
#SheBetterNotBeGone
Alex: Sang "Too Close" by Alex Clare. Caleb was wrong, Alex is the one with the retarded fans. Anybody that liked this performance was dropped on their heads as a child. They probably go around licking the air to see if they can taste fairy farts. Note to Jennifer: Alex is about as unique as a tribal tattoo on a douche bag.
#CloseButNoCigar
Jena: Sang Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker." I don't know about broken hearts, but now I know about broken ears. Her screeching almost gave me a nose bleed.
#SongBreaker
The judges are extra annoying tonight.
Dedication Songs
Caleb: He sang CCR's "Traveling Band." This sounded EXACTLY like his first performance, only sped up. Caleb may remind some people of another rocker, but Caleb is no Meatloaf, just a meatball.
#RetardRetreaded
Jessica: Sang P!nk's "So What." Good song for her, she had a blast singing it. I had a blast hearing it. There is no question that she is the most diverse contestant this season. Another great performance. Side Note: The judges really are on damage control tonight. They are doing their best to turn the audience against Jessica.
#StillARockStar
Jena: She sang "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa. Jena should call her version "Bad Performance."
#LadyGagGag
Alex: He sang "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. WHAT!?!!?!?! Alex is singing a Jason Mraz song!!! I had to go outside to make sure the sky wasn't falling. I thought for sure hell had frozen over or something. This was so left field for Alex... Oh wait, Alex singing this song was as predictable as seeing white trash in Walmart. You know what else was predictable? This sucked.
#AlexMrspaz
Make Up Songs
Caleb: He sang "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. This sounded EXACTLY like his first performance, only slowed down. And Caleb knows slow.
#RetardingTheRetarded
Jessica: Sang Lady GaGa's "You And I." Note to Jena: This is how you sing GaGa. This was a flawless performance. Best of night.
*beep*
Jena: Sang Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling In Love." I couldn't help covering my ears. This was an insult to legend that is Elvis Presley. In fact, it was so bad, the very spirit of Elvis tried to stop it from being broadcast.
#HunkOfBurningCrap
Alex: Sang Coldplay's "Yellow." Alex has one redeeming quality, he did spare us from another week of Sam. He probably chose "Yellow" because he has to piss all the time. And piss describes this performance perfectly.
#TooYellowToChangeItUp
BREAK UP SONGS
Caleb: He sang "You Give Love A Bad Name." Caleb, you give rock a bad name. Another typical Caleb performance.
#SofaKingWeToddEd
Jessica: Sang "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. She gave this song a rocker chick edge to it. Perfect for this song. It wasn't her best, but it was still better than average.
#SheBetterNotBeGone
Alex: Sang "Too Close" by Alex Clare. Caleb was wrong, Alex is the one with the retarded fans. Anybody that liked this performance was dropped on their heads as a child. They probably go around licking the air to see if they can taste fairy farts. Note to Jennifer: Alex is about as unique as a tribal tattoo on a douche bag.
#CloseButNoCigar
Jena: Sang Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker." I don't know about broken hearts, but now I know about broken ears. Her screeching almost gave me a nose bleed.
#SongBreaker
The judges are extra annoying tonight.
Dedication Songs
Caleb: He sang CCR's "Traveling Band." This sounded EXACTLY like his first performance, only sped up. Caleb may remind some people of another rocker, but Caleb is no Meatloaf, just a meatball.
#RetardRetreaded
Jessica: Sang P!nk's "So What." Good song for her, she had a blast singing it. I had a blast hearing it. There is no question that she is the most diverse contestant this season. Another great performance. Side Note: The judges really are on damage control tonight. They are doing their best to turn the audience against Jessica.
#StillARockStar
Jena: She sang "Bad Romance" by Lady GaGa. Jena should call her version "Bad Performance."
#LadyGagGag
Alex: He sang "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. WHAT!?!!?!?! Alex is singing a Jason Mraz song!!! I had to go outside to make sure the sky wasn't falling. I thought for sure hell had frozen over or something. This was so left field for Alex... Oh wait, Alex singing this song was as predictable as seeing white trash in Walmart. You know what else was predictable? This sucked.
#AlexMrspaz
Make Up Songs
Caleb: He sang "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. This sounded EXACTLY like his first performance, only slowed down. And Caleb knows slow.
#RetardingTheRetarded
Jessica: Sang Lady GaGa's "You And I." Note to Jena: This is how you sing GaGa. This was a flawless performance. Best of night.
*beep*
Jena: Sang Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling In Love." I couldn't help covering my ears. This was an insult to legend that is Elvis Presley. In fact, it was so bad, the very spirit of Elvis tried to stop it from being broadcast.
#HunkOfBurningCrap
Alex: Sang Coldplay's "Yellow." Alex has one redeeming quality, he did spare us from another week of Sam. He probably chose "Yellow" because he has to piss all the time. And piss describes this performance perfectly.
#TooYellowToChangeItUp
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
American Idol 4/30/14 Top 5
The top 5 revealed their celeb crushes.
Jessica said she liked Jensen Ackles. Supernatural fangirl. I lover her even more.
Alex revealed he like Zooey Deschanel. In other news, pandas like bamboo sticks.
Jason Mraz is here as a guest mentor, because Alex needs all the help he can get.
Alex: He sang "Sweater Weather." I like this song and it was the perfect choice for Alex. Because it showcased just how much of a copycat he really is. There is no originality with Alex, or Sam or Caleb for that matter, but Alex sticks out like a cheap ripoff.
#HumanXerox
Caleb: He sang "Don't Want To Miss A Thing." Well, now we know why Caleb doesn't stray to far from his usual rock performances. His attempt to do a power ballad was about as successful as Alex trying to sing aq song without making weird faces.
#DidWantToMissThis
Alex, Sam, and Jena: They sang "Best Day Of My Life."
#WorstDayOfMyLife
Jessica: She sang "Human" by Christina Perri. All of Perri's songs are boring and depressive, so Jess had her work cut out for her. She nailed it. She brought some humanity to this song.
#HumanLeague
Sam: Sam's celeb crush came out. Some singer chick that was really cute. Alex was awkward as hell around her. He sang "Sing" by Ed "Lady Killer" Sheeran. Speaking of awkward, that's what Sam brought to this performance. And his generic sounding voice.
#WoolfInDweebsClothing
Jena: She sang "My Body" by some stupid band. Jena cannot walk and sing at the same time. Her grating voice suffer even more from her moving around. She is as appealing as an jalepeno enema.
#Poorformance
Jessica & Caleb: They sang the Stone's "Beast of Burden." There has never been a better description of Caleb than that.
#BeautyAndTheBeastRoundTwo
Alex: He sang "Say Something." This was the most nauseating performance in the history of Idol. Seriously, I had to chug Pepto Bismol just to get through it. His vocals were so all over the place that it made my head spin. His facial expressions were something out of a sideshow freak show. Horrendous doesn't even begin to describe this. I hope Alex gets married one day. And I hope the colors of the wedding are Red and Purple.
#SingNothing
Jena: She sang "Valerie" by Amy Winehouse. This sucked. However, I do feel Amy Winehouse is a good artist for Jena to emulate. The first drink is on me.
#BottomsUp
Sam: He sang How To Save A Life." Step 1, don't let anybody listen to this performance. It'll make them want to commit suicide.
#HowToTakeALife
Jessica: Now this was the performance of the night. This was pure sexiness. Jess' voice, that dress. THAT LEG. Damn, this was great. She is the best singer this singer, and that is fact.
#THATLEG
Caleb: "In the still of the night, I like to yell into the mic, cause that's the only way I know how to sing!"
#KingOfScream
Jessica said she liked Jensen Ackles. Supernatural fangirl. I lover her even more.
Alex revealed he like Zooey Deschanel. In other news, pandas like bamboo sticks.
Jason Mraz is here as a guest mentor, because Alex needs all the help he can get.
Alex: He sang "Sweater Weather." I like this song and it was the perfect choice for Alex. Because it showcased just how much of a copycat he really is. There is no originality with Alex, or Sam or Caleb for that matter, but Alex sticks out like a cheap ripoff.
#HumanXerox
Caleb: He sang "Don't Want To Miss A Thing." Well, now we know why Caleb doesn't stray to far from his usual rock performances. His attempt to do a power ballad was about as successful as Alex trying to sing aq song without making weird faces.
#DidWantToMissThis
Alex, Sam, and Jena: They sang "Best Day Of My Life."
#WorstDayOfMyLife
Jessica: She sang "Human" by Christina Perri. All of Perri's songs are boring and depressive, so Jess had her work cut out for her. She nailed it. She brought some humanity to this song.
#HumanLeague
Sam: Sam's celeb crush came out. Some singer chick that was really cute. Alex was awkward as hell around her. He sang "Sing" by Ed "Lady Killer" Sheeran. Speaking of awkward, that's what Sam brought to this performance. And his generic sounding voice.
#WoolfInDweebsClothing
Jena: She sang "My Body" by some stupid band. Jena cannot walk and sing at the same time. Her grating voice suffer even more from her moving around. She is as appealing as an jalepeno enema.
#Poorformance
Jessica & Caleb: They sang the Stone's "Beast of Burden." There has never been a better description of Caleb than that.
#BeautyAndTheBeastRoundTwo
Alex: He sang "Say Something." This was the most nauseating performance in the history of Idol. Seriously, I had to chug Pepto Bismol just to get through it. His vocals were so all over the place that it made my head spin. His facial expressions were something out of a sideshow freak show. Horrendous doesn't even begin to describe this. I hope Alex gets married one day. And I hope the colors of the wedding are Red and Purple.
#SingNothing
Jena: She sang "Valerie" by Amy Winehouse. This sucked. However, I do feel Amy Winehouse is a good artist for Jena to emulate. The first drink is on me.
#BottomsUp
Sam: He sang How To Save A Life." Step 1, don't let anybody listen to this performance. It'll make them want to commit suicide.
#HowToTakeALife
Jessica: Now this was the performance of the night. This was pure sexiness. Jess' voice, that dress. THAT LEG. Damn, this was great. She is the best singer this singer, and that is fact.
#THATLEG
Caleb: "In the still of the night, I like to yell into the mic, cause that's the only way I know how to sing!"
#KingOfScream
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
American Idol Top 6 4/23/14
Due to somebody throwing a hissy fit over a small joke I made in my last review, this week's review will be started with a warning: Read At Your Own Risk.
Rated SR-MA for graphic content, mature situations, and sexual violence.
Trigger Warnings: Rape, Sexual Assault, Sexual Mutilation, Molestation, Bullying, Toe Stubbing, Alex Performances, Somebody Turning Off The Lights While You're In The Bathroom, Avril Lavigne's "Hello Kitty," Child Murder, Getting Mocked For Wearing A Stupid Shirt, Getting Asked To Have Some Coffee While In An Elevator, Hashtags, The "Love & Monsters" Episode of Doctor Who, and White Male Privilege.
ROCK AND ROLL
Jena: She sang "Barracuda." Barracudas are piranha like fish that have sharp teeth that they use to rip apart their prey. That description is fitting for Jena, since she ripped apart this song like it was a smaller fish. It was a bloody mess.
#SmellsFishy
Sam: He sang "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. It's time all right, time for this boring generic kid to get off this show. His 15 minutes are almost up.
#00:14:59
CJ: He sang "American Woman." They way he sang this, it was like the American Woman he was singing about was Susan Smith. Remember her? She locked her two kids in a car and then pushed it into a lake. Killing them. She then blamed it on a black guy. Well, this time the black guy was responsible for the atrocity. The victim of the crime was this song.
#CarJacker
Alex: I was thinking about those poor kids that Susan Smith killed. There they were, sitting in that car, not knowing what mommy was doing, but they trusted her. Yes, they were young, but they had to know that as soon as the water started filling the car and that they couldn't get out, that their very own mother was doing something bad to them. It must have been sheer horror. But as bad as that was, it could have been worst. Susan could have left the radio on while it was playing Alex's performance.
#FateWorseThanDeath
Caleb: This should be something new, what's that? Oh, it's Caleb singing a rock song. Nostrodomus would have rolled his eyes at how predictable this performance was.
#DropTheMicPermanently
Jessica: She sang "Don't You Want Somebody To Love." I have somebody to love Jess, it's you. You are the saving grace of this season.
#IdGiveHerSomeRhythmicDelivery
country
Sam: This was nails on a chalkboard bad. The only thing holding him us is the screams of dumb teenage girls.
#NoMas
They brought out Grumpy Cat. He should be the mascot for this show.
Caleb: He sang a Carrie Underwood song. And he showed us what kind of talent he truly has. He took this song and made sound just like all of his other performances. People who like Caleb also enjoy getting drunk and running their heads into a wall.
#WeKnowWhyTheCatIsGrumpy
Alex: He sang "Always On My Mind." I'm sorry, "sang" is the wrong word. Mutilated is much better. He took this song, tied it up, and went at it's no-no parts with a broken wooden broom handle. Without lube. He turned it int their so many times that the handle started to splinter. He then took out and covered it in jalepeno juice and salt and stuck it back in there. After he was finished, he just left it for dead.
#ImSureItWasAskingForIt
Jena: This was so dull, my mind actually went blank. I got nothing.
#ThatHelloKittySongSucks
CJ: It's a shame Robert Stack is dead, because we have a genuine Unsolved Mystery on our hands. How in the hell is CJ still in this competition? He is so bad.
#CountryJoke'
Jessica: She sang "Jolene." I could never stand this song, until now. Jessica gave this song the edge is desperately needed. What a gifted artist.
#NoOneCouldTakeMeAwayFromHer.
Rated SR-MA for graphic content, mature situations, and sexual violence.
Trigger Warnings: Rape, Sexual Assault, Sexual Mutilation, Molestation, Bullying, Toe Stubbing, Alex Performances, Somebody Turning Off The Lights While You're In The Bathroom, Avril Lavigne's "Hello Kitty," Child Murder, Getting Mocked For Wearing A Stupid Shirt, Getting Asked To Have Some Coffee While In An Elevator, Hashtags, The "Love & Monsters" Episode of Doctor Who, and White Male Privilege.
ROCK AND ROLL
Jena: She sang "Barracuda." Barracudas are piranha like fish that have sharp teeth that they use to rip apart their prey. That description is fitting for Jena, since she ripped apart this song like it was a smaller fish. It was a bloody mess.
#SmellsFishy
Sam: He sang "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. It's time all right, time for this boring generic kid to get off this show. His 15 minutes are almost up.
#00:14:59
CJ: He sang "American Woman." They way he sang this, it was like the American Woman he was singing about was Susan Smith. Remember her? She locked her two kids in a car and then pushed it into a lake. Killing them. She then blamed it on a black guy. Well, this time the black guy was responsible for the atrocity. The victim of the crime was this song.
#CarJacker
Alex: I was thinking about those poor kids that Susan Smith killed. There they were, sitting in that car, not knowing what mommy was doing, but they trusted her. Yes, they were young, but they had to know that as soon as the water started filling the car and that they couldn't get out, that their very own mother was doing something bad to them. It must have been sheer horror. But as bad as that was, it could have been worst. Susan could have left the radio on while it was playing Alex's performance.
#FateWorseThanDeath
Caleb: This should be something new, what's that? Oh, it's Caleb singing a rock song. Nostrodomus would have rolled his eyes at how predictable this performance was.
#DropTheMicPermanently
Jessica: She sang "Don't You Want Somebody To Love." I have somebody to love Jess, it's you. You are the saving grace of this season.
#IdGiveHerSomeRhythmicDelivery
country
Sam: This was nails on a chalkboard bad. The only thing holding him us is the screams of dumb teenage girls.
#NoMas
They brought out Grumpy Cat. He should be the mascot for this show.
Caleb: He sang a Carrie Underwood song. And he showed us what kind of talent he truly has. He took this song and made sound just like all of his other performances. People who like Caleb also enjoy getting drunk and running their heads into a wall.
#WeKnowWhyTheCatIsGrumpy
Alex: He sang "Always On My Mind." I'm sorry, "sang" is the wrong word. Mutilated is much better. He took this song, tied it up, and went at it's no-no parts with a broken wooden broom handle. Without lube. He turned it int their so many times that the handle started to splinter. He then took out and covered it in jalepeno juice and salt and stuck it back in there. After he was finished, he just left it for dead.
#ImSureItWasAskingForIt
Jena: This was so dull, my mind actually went blank. I got nothing.
#ThatHelloKittySongSucks
CJ: It's a shame Robert Stack is dead, because we have a genuine Unsolved Mystery on our hands. How in the hell is CJ still in this competition? He is so bad.
#CountryJoke'
Jessica: She sang "Jolene." I could never stand this song, until now. Jessica gave this song the edge is desperately needed. What a gifted artist.
#NoOneCouldTakeMeAwayFromHer.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
American Idol Top 7 4/16/14
It's "Competitor's Choice" Night. What that means is, the producers
pulled up a bunch of songs for the contestants to sings and made the
other guys pick out one of those songs.
Caleb: Before their performances, each singer told us f things we probably didn't know about them. Caleb's five things made me hate the guy even more. Any ways, Alex picked some Kings of Leon song for him to sing. This was insipid. Caleb loves to overact. He's that guy that always has to be the center of attention, And that is what his performances are. Desperate acts of attention.
#KingOfPeons
Jessica: She told us she thought she was abducted by aliens. Lucky bastards. This was a sexy ass performance. Jessica is the true rock star of this bunch.
#IdGiveHerAnAnalProbe
Sam & Alex: They sang "Let Her Go." An uninspired song sang by a guy with the most annoying voice ever. Lucky for Alex and Sam, their voices are not as annoying. However, they were just as boring. It was like watching a garden gnome playing chess with a lawn jockey.
#DuetBooIt
CJ: He sang "Gravity." This was his best performance, but that's like saying the 2013 Boston Marathon was the best race ever. Speaking of races, in this competition, CJ is like a Saint Bernard in a Greyhound race. Side Note: It was funny seeing his son wear headphone, even he doesn't like hearing his dad sing.
#CujoJunior
Dexter: He sang a country song. I guess he sang it well. It's like a below average student getting a C+ on a test. You pat him on the head and say "job well done' while trying not to roll your eyes. Cause you do feel sorry for the poor guy and you don't want to hurt his feelings.
#TheBestOfTheWorst
Caleb & Jena: This was the worst version of "Gimme Shelter" I have ever heard. And I heard Andrew Garcia's cover back in Season 9. There was no true emotion here. This was a shouting contest. It was like watching two down syndrome kids playing Hungry Hungry Hippo during a epileptic seizure.
#RapeItJustAShoutAway
Alex: He sang Ed Sheeran's "The A-Team." Recently, Ed sang over the telephone to a poor girl that was dying of Cystic Fibrosis. As he was singing to her, she closed her eyes and peacefully died in her sleep. Alex here made me want to shuffle off this mortal coil to, cause this bout near bored me to death.
#SometimesDeadIsBetter
Sam: This was boring as hell too. He sang some stupid song, as he is wont to do. It's like he and Alex made a bet to see who could deliver the most tedious performance. At least the production crew knew in advance that their songs would be coma inducing, cause they both had pretty awesome graphic backgrounds.
#TheWoolfOfDullStreet.
Jessica, CJ, & Dexter: Dex and Cj are lucky Jessica was wearing that dress. Cause it was enough to distract from this very off performance.
#TwoGuysAGirlAndACrappySong
Jena: She sang "Creep" by Radiohead. There is a reason this song get sang almost every year, it's a great song. However, Jena performing this song was like a kindergarten class do a stage performance of "To Kill A Mockingbird." This was way over her head, not to mention her talent level.
#YouDontBelongHere
Caleb: Before their performances, each singer told us f things we probably didn't know about them. Caleb's five things made me hate the guy even more. Any ways, Alex picked some Kings of Leon song for him to sing. This was insipid. Caleb loves to overact. He's that guy that always has to be the center of attention, And that is what his performances are. Desperate acts of attention.
#KingOfPeons
Jessica: She told us she thought she was abducted by aliens. Lucky bastards. This was a sexy ass performance. Jessica is the true rock star of this bunch.
#IdGiveHerAnAnalProbe
Sam & Alex: They sang "Let Her Go." An uninspired song sang by a guy with the most annoying voice ever. Lucky for Alex and Sam, their voices are not as annoying. However, they were just as boring. It was like watching a garden gnome playing chess with a lawn jockey.
#DuetBooIt
CJ: He sang "Gravity." This was his best performance, but that's like saying the 2013 Boston Marathon was the best race ever. Speaking of races, in this competition, CJ is like a Saint Bernard in a Greyhound race. Side Note: It was funny seeing his son wear headphone, even he doesn't like hearing his dad sing.
#CujoJunior
Dexter: He sang a country song. I guess he sang it well. It's like a below average student getting a C+ on a test. You pat him on the head and say "job well done' while trying not to roll your eyes. Cause you do feel sorry for the poor guy and you don't want to hurt his feelings.
#TheBestOfTheWorst
Caleb & Jena: This was the worst version of "Gimme Shelter" I have ever heard. And I heard Andrew Garcia's cover back in Season 9. There was no true emotion here. This was a shouting contest. It was like watching two down syndrome kids playing Hungry Hungry Hippo during a epileptic seizure.
#RapeItJustAShoutAway
Alex: He sang Ed Sheeran's "The A-Team." Recently, Ed sang over the telephone to a poor girl that was dying of Cystic Fibrosis. As he was singing to her, she closed her eyes and peacefully died in her sleep. Alex here made me want to shuffle off this mortal coil to, cause this bout near bored me to death.
#SometimesDeadIsBetter
Sam: This was boring as hell too. He sang some stupid song, as he is wont to do. It's like he and Alex made a bet to see who could deliver the most tedious performance. At least the production crew knew in advance that their songs would be coma inducing, cause they both had pretty awesome graphic backgrounds.
#TheWoolfOfDullStreet.
Jessica, CJ, & Dexter: Dex and Cj are lucky Jessica was wearing that dress. Cause it was enough to distract from this very off performance.
#TwoGuysAGirlAndACrappySong
Jena: She sang "Creep" by Radiohead. There is a reason this song get sang almost every year, it's a great song. However, Jena performing this song was like a kindergarten class do a stage performance of "To Kill A Mockingbird." This was way over her head, not to mention her talent level.
#YouDontBelongHere
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
American Idol Top 7 Plus Sam 4/9/14
In honor of 80's week and 80's icon, The Ultimate Warrior, whom we lost
this week, I'm, giving this review a Pro Wrestling theme.
Jena: She sang "I Love Rock and Roll." Well, we only hurt the ones we love, and she tortured this song. Crippler Crossface style.
#RockAndRollExpressCameToAStop
Dexter: Sang "Keep Your Hands To Yourself." I wish he'd keep his songs to himself. Generic country crap. The Road Dogg sings better than him.
#BamBamBumbler
Sam & Alex: When The Undertaker's streak ended at WrestlMania 30 and then when Warrior died, I didn't think this week could get much worse. I was proven wrong when I heard this duet.
#CrappyMania
Malaya: She sang "Though The Fire." I was hoping Kane would show up and make her fall into the fire. She has a grating voice.
#InfernalMatch
Jena & Caleb. Look at the punishment Mankind (Mick Foley) goes through in this Hell in a Cell match from King Of The Ring 1998. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgYoYTbnPo4 After hearing this duet, I now know the pain Foley went through during that match.
#TheTwoHoarseMen
Jessica: Sang "Call Me." Jess, I would call you anytime. You are a breath of fresh air. You are the Trish Stratus of Idol.
#CMSpunk
Sam: The Waste of a Save gave a wreck of a performance. If Maffew did a BotchAMania for American Idol, this whole performance would be on it. Terrible
#TheWoolfPacIsBuried
CJ & Malaya: This was the Idol equivalent of this match: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTO4KticEMk
#LegionOfDumb
Alex: He sang "Every Breath You Take." You know, a song about stalking. Alex here made it sound like a ditty little love song that sounds made for a quirky independent RomCom. In other words, this was a despicable piece of crap.
#TheShartFoundation
Jessica & Dexter: This was like teaming up Trish Stratus with Bastion Booger. Just weird. Jess sounded great though.
#JessicaMichaelsAndDexterJennety
CJ: Sang "Free Fallin'" Gawd he sucks. Listening to him sing is like listening to Lance Storm give a promo. This guy needs to go.
#CactusJackass
Caleb: Caleb reminds me of John Cena. The idiots that watch him cheer him cause they like superficial things they don't have to think about. It's easy on their brains. Those who pay attention realize that he is just a one note repeater. All style and no substance.
#TheJohnSingaOfIdol
Jena: She sang "I Love Rock and Roll." Well, we only hurt the ones we love, and she tortured this song. Crippler Crossface style.
#RockAndRollExpressCameToAStop
Dexter: Sang "Keep Your Hands To Yourself." I wish he'd keep his songs to himself. Generic country crap. The Road Dogg sings better than him.
#BamBamBumbler
Sam & Alex: When The Undertaker's streak ended at WrestlMania 30 and then when Warrior died, I didn't think this week could get much worse. I was proven wrong when I heard this duet.
#CrappyMania
Malaya: She sang "Though The Fire." I was hoping Kane would show up and make her fall into the fire. She has a grating voice.
#InfernalMatch
Jena & Caleb. Look at the punishment Mankind (Mick Foley) goes through in this Hell in a Cell match from King Of The Ring 1998. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgYoYTbnPo4 After hearing this duet, I now know the pain Foley went through during that match.
#TheTwoHoarseMen
Jessica: Sang "Call Me." Jess, I would call you anytime. You are a breath of fresh air. You are the Trish Stratus of Idol.
#CMSpunk
Sam: The Waste of a Save gave a wreck of a performance. If Maffew did a BotchAMania for American Idol, this whole performance would be on it. Terrible
#TheWoolfPacIsBuried
CJ & Malaya: This was the Idol equivalent of this match: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTO4KticEMk
#LegionOfDumb
Alex: He sang "Every Breath You Take." You know, a song about stalking. Alex here made it sound like a ditty little love song that sounds made for a quirky independent RomCom. In other words, this was a despicable piece of crap.
#TheShartFoundation
Jessica & Dexter: This was like teaming up Trish Stratus with Bastion Booger. Just weird. Jess sounded great though.
#JessicaMichaelsAndDexterJennety
CJ: Sang "Free Fallin'" Gawd he sucks. Listening to him sing is like listening to Lance Storm give a promo. This guy needs to go.
#CactusJackass
Caleb: Caleb reminds me of John Cena. The idiots that watch him cheer him cause they like superficial things they don't have to think about. It's easy on their brains. Those who pay attention realize that he is just a one note repeater. All style and no substance.
#TheJohnSingaOfIdol
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
American Idol 4/2/14 Top 8
Tonight, our Top 8 sang duets and the songs from their auditions.
Let's see how they did!
Jessica: Pure beauty. Just one problem though, with the best going on first, that's just going to make the rest of them suck even more. Side note: Jessica's story about being pulled over for eating an ice cream cone makes me want to se her eat an ice cream cone.
#IGotSomethingElseToPutInHerMouth
CJ: When I was 12, my Uncle Bill took myself and his two sons, my cousins Troy and Brian, out hunting in the woods around his house. Troy's dog, Bucky, came along with us. He was this great looking golden retriever. At one point, Bucky ran off into the woods. We called out for him, but Uncle Bill said he probably went back home cause it was close to feeding time. About 20 minutes later, Troy said he spotted a deer. He took aim and fired. There was a terrible yelp. He had shot his own dog. The poor thing lay dying and howling. My cousin did nothing but scream. The mixture of the two was a horrendous noise I hope no one ever has to hear. But, it sounded better than CJ.
#CountryJerkstore
Alex & Jena: They sang P!nk and Fun Guy's "Just Give Me A Reason." Well, they gave me a reason, a reason to turn the channel. This was terrible. It was like mixing rotten eggs and dirt and trying to bake a cake.
#NotCookingByTheBook
Sam: They showed us pics of Sam when he was a young child. They were all taken on an iPhone 3. This kid has about as much range as a tin can tied to a string. Sucks.
#TheWoolfWhoCriedBoy
Jessica & Caleb: They sang "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around." The only thing that was dragging was Caleb. Jessica did her best to carry him during this performance, but you can only do so much with dead weight.
#BeautyAndTheBeast
Malaya: Every time she performs, I keep looking for Jeff Dunham, cause this girl has got to be a puppet. Her voice sounds like somebody trying to impersonate a singer. She's got the personality of a puppet too.
#FraggleCrock
Dexter: This was fine, by country standards.
#JayLenosLostRedneckSon
Malaya & Sam: I'm so glad I do not live on the top floor of a high rise apartment, cause this duet made me want to throw myself out of a window.
#GloomySunday (look it up)
Jena: If Oskar Schindler were alive day and trying to save people from a Holocaust, all of the names of the people who heard this performance would be on his list. This was GAWD awful.
#BurningInTheDeep
Dexter & CJ: Ugh.
#BadBarfAndBeyond
Caleb: Another Cut and Paste performance. And thank you Harry for finally pointing that out.
#IdolIsAChainOfFools
Alex: Sang an "original" song, called "Fairy Tale." Simon Cowell probably had it written for him. Alex is great...at imitating Philip Philips.
#NoHappyEnding
Let's see how they did!
Jessica: Pure beauty. Just one problem though, with the best going on first, that's just going to make the rest of them suck even more. Side note: Jessica's story about being pulled over for eating an ice cream cone makes me want to se her eat an ice cream cone.
#IGotSomethingElseToPutInHerMouth
CJ: When I was 12, my Uncle Bill took myself and his two sons, my cousins Troy and Brian, out hunting in the woods around his house. Troy's dog, Bucky, came along with us. He was this great looking golden retriever. At one point, Bucky ran off into the woods. We called out for him, but Uncle Bill said he probably went back home cause it was close to feeding time. About 20 minutes later, Troy said he spotted a deer. He took aim and fired. There was a terrible yelp. He had shot his own dog. The poor thing lay dying and howling. My cousin did nothing but scream. The mixture of the two was a horrendous noise I hope no one ever has to hear. But, it sounded better than CJ.
#CountryJerkstore
Alex & Jena: They sang P!nk and Fun Guy's "Just Give Me A Reason." Well, they gave me a reason, a reason to turn the channel. This was terrible. It was like mixing rotten eggs and dirt and trying to bake a cake.
#NotCookingByTheBook
Sam: They showed us pics of Sam when he was a young child. They were all taken on an iPhone 3. This kid has about as much range as a tin can tied to a string. Sucks.
#TheWoolfWhoCriedBoy
Jessica & Caleb: They sang "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around." The only thing that was dragging was Caleb. Jessica did her best to carry him during this performance, but you can only do so much with dead weight.
#BeautyAndTheBeast
Malaya: Every time she performs, I keep looking for Jeff Dunham, cause this girl has got to be a puppet. Her voice sounds like somebody trying to impersonate a singer. She's got the personality of a puppet too.
#FraggleCrock
Dexter: This was fine, by country standards.
#JayLenosLostRedneckSon
Malaya & Sam: I'm so glad I do not live on the top floor of a high rise apartment, cause this duet made me want to throw myself out of a window.
#GloomySunday (look it up)
Jena: If Oskar Schindler were alive day and trying to save people from a Holocaust, all of the names of the people who heard this performance would be on his list. This was GAWD awful.
#BurningInTheDeep
Dexter & CJ: Ugh.
#BadBarfAndBeyond
Caleb: Another Cut and Paste performance. And thank you Harry for finally pointing that out.
#IdolIsAChainOfFools
Alex: Sang an "original" song, called "Fairy Tale." Simon Cowell probably had it written for him. Alex is great...at imitating Philip Philips.
#NoHappyEnding
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
American Idol 3/26/14 Top 9
The night started out with a "Rock Medley" featuring our top 9. This was horrendous. It was just a sign of things to come.
Alex: He sang No Doubt's "Don't Speak." The name of the song should had been "Don't Sing." He did this stupid Jason Mrazesque rendition of it. Terrible.
#NoDoubtHeSucks
Majesty: She attempted to sing Florence + The Machine's "Shake It Out." I know it's not fair to compare the contestants to the original artist, but this is a Florence Welch song she is trying to sing. Florence is the best female vocalist alive today and Majesty isn't worthy of being in her audience, let alone singing one of her songs. What a disgrace this was.
#MajestyBrokeTheMachine
Dexter: He sang some country song. What little I heard of it sucked, but I muted most of the performance. I had to "wash" that terrible cover Majesty performed out of my head. Listen to this: http://youtu.be/qyXnZebVHf4
That is Florence performing "Shake It Out" live for the X-Factor (Britain)
That voice is pure raw talent. Florence's voice Mount Everest of singing voices. Majesty's is barely an ant hill. Oh yeah, Dexter, the rest of the song probably sucked.
#ItsCountryItsCrap
Malaya: She sang "The Long and Winding Road" by The Beatles. Well Malaya, with a crappy voice like that, the road you're on is a dead end.
#RoadRash
Sam: Sang a terrible song, terrible.
#TerribleWoolf
Jessica: Sang Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon" This was the third time I heard this song today. Jessica's cover was a refreshing version of it. A nice showcase of her vocal talent, which is the best on this show.
#ThirdTimesACharm
CJ: Sang some stupid song. Not much to say here. It was bad.
#CrackerJacked
Caleb: Wow, he sure can go over the top. [sarcasm]He surprised me by doing things he has never done before in his performances.[/sarcasm] Enough with this one note yelling hack.
#HisZeppelinIsTheHindenburg
Jena: Sang "bring Me To Life" Well, this did the opposite, it damn near killed me with it atrociousness. Her voice just isn't powerful enough those heavy parts.
#ThisShowNeedsCPR
Side Note: The "Judges" suck.
Alex: He sang No Doubt's "Don't Speak." The name of the song should had been "Don't Sing." He did this stupid Jason Mrazesque rendition of it. Terrible.
#NoDoubtHeSucks
Majesty: She attempted to sing Florence + The Machine's "Shake It Out." I know it's not fair to compare the contestants to the original artist, but this is a Florence Welch song she is trying to sing. Florence is the best female vocalist alive today and Majesty isn't worthy of being in her audience, let alone singing one of her songs. What a disgrace this was.
#MajestyBrokeTheMachine
Dexter: He sang some country song. What little I heard of it sucked, but I muted most of the performance. I had to "wash" that terrible cover Majesty performed out of my head. Listen to this: http://youtu.be/qyXnZebVHf4
That is Florence performing "Shake It Out" live for the X-Factor (Britain)
That voice is pure raw talent. Florence's voice Mount Everest of singing voices. Majesty's is barely an ant hill. Oh yeah, Dexter, the rest of the song probably sucked.
#ItsCountryItsCrap
Malaya: She sang "The Long and Winding Road" by The Beatles. Well Malaya, with a crappy voice like that, the road you're on is a dead end.
#RoadRash
Sam: Sang a terrible song, terrible.
#TerribleWoolf
Jessica: Sang Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon" This was the third time I heard this song today. Jessica's cover was a refreshing version of it. A nice showcase of her vocal talent, which is the best on this show.
#ThirdTimesACharm
CJ: Sang some stupid song. Not much to say here. It was bad.
#CrackerJacked
Caleb: Wow, he sure can go over the top. [sarcasm]He surprised me by doing things he has never done before in his performances.[/sarcasm] Enough with this one note yelling hack.
#HisZeppelinIsTheHindenburg
Jena: Sang "bring Me To Life" Well, this did the opposite, it damn near killed me with it atrociousness. Her voice just isn't powerful enough those heavy parts.
#ThisShowNeedsCPR
Side Note: The "Judges" suck.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
American Idol Top 10 3/19/14
Yes I know, you were all sad last week since there was no SATYR Review. But it's back this week and better than ever!
MK: Sang P!nk's "Perfect." This performance was far from that. MK didn't have the oomph in her voice for this song nor was it soft enough to be a quiet emotional take on it. This might be her last week.
#LookAtTheFlowersMK
Dexter: My Grandfather was a pilot in WW2. He once told me a story about his plane getting shot down. He bailed out in time and was rescued by ground troops. He would have nightmares about that day, his plane getting shot down, but he could never bail out. He would go down with the plane. One year for Christmas, my parents and I flew with him and Grandma to Florida to visit relatives there. Gramps was seated next to me. He fell asleep quickly. Half an hour later, we ran into some bad turbulence. Grandpa woke up screaming. It was bloodcurdling. It scared the life out of me. He passed away in 2006, but that scream has stayed with me since. And you know what? That scream sounded better than Dexter's performance.
#KamikazeKaraoke
Jena: Sang Zedd's "Clarity." The only thing that was clear to me is the fact that this chick can't sing worth crap.
#BlowStix
Alex: Sang some crapfest One Direction song since he is secretly working for Simon Cowell. Anyways, this was sucked.
#AlexSucksStoryOfHisLife
Malaya: Sang some dumb Bruno Mars song. It made me with Maylaya was booked on a Malaysian Airlines flight.
#GoneThenForgotten
Caleb: Sang Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory." I wish I could push Caleb off that edge. Yes Caleb, please continue with the over the top notes in every performance, we are all so impressed by the fact that you can scream. Here's a goal for you, try not to make rock so damn dull.
#EdgeOfBoring
CJ: Somebody should tell him he would sound better if his mouth wasn't full of excrement. And I'm not talking about the song he sang.
#CrappyJowls
Jessica: Did a fantastic rendition of "Pumped Up Kicks." One of my favorite songs. The fact that she understood the essence of this song was a key factor in making this the performance of the night.
#SandyHookSchoolSong
Majesty: Sang "Wake Me Up." My sentiments exactly. This was boring as hell.
#SlumberParty
Sam: Tonight, my review is done. So let's set this douche on fire, cause he sings worse than everyone!!!!
#ThisWoolfIsNoFun
MK: Sang P!nk's "Perfect." This performance was far from that. MK didn't have the oomph in her voice for this song nor was it soft enough to be a quiet emotional take on it. This might be her last week.
#LookAtTheFlowersMK
Dexter: My Grandfather was a pilot in WW2. He once told me a story about his plane getting shot down. He bailed out in time and was rescued by ground troops. He would have nightmares about that day, his plane getting shot down, but he could never bail out. He would go down with the plane. One year for Christmas, my parents and I flew with him and Grandma to Florida to visit relatives there. Gramps was seated next to me. He fell asleep quickly. Half an hour later, we ran into some bad turbulence. Grandpa woke up screaming. It was bloodcurdling. It scared the life out of me. He passed away in 2006, but that scream has stayed with me since. And you know what? That scream sounded better than Dexter's performance.
#KamikazeKaraoke
Jena: Sang Zedd's "Clarity." The only thing that was clear to me is the fact that this chick can't sing worth crap.
#BlowStix
Alex: Sang some crapfest One Direction song since he is secretly working for Simon Cowell. Anyways, this was sucked.
#AlexSucksStoryOfHisLife
Malaya: Sang some dumb Bruno Mars song. It made me with Maylaya was booked on a Malaysian Airlines flight.
#GoneThenForgotten
Caleb: Sang Lady Gaga's "Edge of Glory." I wish I could push Caleb off that edge. Yes Caleb, please continue with the over the top notes in every performance, we are all so impressed by the fact that you can scream. Here's a goal for you, try not to make rock so damn dull.
#EdgeOfBoring
CJ: Somebody should tell him he would sound better if his mouth wasn't full of excrement. And I'm not talking about the song he sang.
#CrappyJowls
Jessica: Did a fantastic rendition of "Pumped Up Kicks." One of my favorite songs. The fact that she understood the essence of this song was a key factor in making this the performance of the night.
#SandyHookSchoolSong
Majesty: Sang "Wake Me Up." My sentiments exactly. This was boring as hell.
#SlumberParty
Sam: Tonight, my review is done. So let's set this douche on fire, cause he sings worse than everyone!!!!
#ThisWoolfIsNoFun
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
American Idol Top 12 3/5/14
Jena: Sang "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall. Well, suddenly I hear a flat boring voice.
#WTFWasSheWearing
Alex: Undercover X-Factor here sounded pretty good, despite the music itself being horrible.
#SimonSaysWin
Jessica: Sang Dido's "White Flag." Jess doesn't need to wave a white flag, cause she's got this in the bag. And damn, she is looking hotter every week.
#WhiteHot
Dexter: I'll be honest, I zoned out of this. He is generic country and that is just a step above Gospel music on the suck scale.
#SerialSongKiller
Emily: She got a nice message from her boyfriend who is serving over seas. She's probably cheating on him. She sang J. Lo.'s "Let's Get Loud." That is the exact opposite of what Emily should of done.
#LoweredSoldierMorale
Caleb: If this were Yelling Idol, Caleb would win this hands down.
#JerkinMan
MK: She had a bow tie on. Bow ties are cool. Too bad this performance wasn't. She sang the gawd awful Train song "Drops of Jupiter" and as a result, she performed badly.
#TheGirlWithTheCaliforniaTattoo
CJ: Sang a John Mayer song. So I immediately blacked out. I came to a couple minutes later to find blood on my walls. It wasn't mine. I have no idea what happened.
#CaptainJackass
Sam: Hipster douche who can't grow a hipster mustache sang some hipster song with his hipster hat on. Hipster.
#SuckyLikeTheWoolf
Malaya Sanjaya: This performance was so bad, I spent the whole time dreaming about how great it would have been if the world did blow up in 2012
#MalayanCalender
Ben: It was just ok.
#IGuess
Majesty: This night was full of crap performances and this was the perfect way to cap it off.
#CrownOfCrap
#WTFWasSheWearing
Alex: Undercover X-Factor here sounded pretty good, despite the music itself being horrible.
#SimonSaysWin
Jessica: Sang Dido's "White Flag." Jess doesn't need to wave a white flag, cause she's got this in the bag. And damn, she is looking hotter every week.
#WhiteHot
Dexter: I'll be honest, I zoned out of this. He is generic country and that is just a step above Gospel music on the suck scale.
#SerialSongKiller
Emily: She got a nice message from her boyfriend who is serving over seas. She's probably cheating on him. She sang J. Lo.'s "Let's Get Loud." That is the exact opposite of what Emily should of done.
#LoweredSoldierMorale
Caleb: If this were Yelling Idol, Caleb would win this hands down.
#JerkinMan
MK: She had a bow tie on. Bow ties are cool. Too bad this performance wasn't. She sang the gawd awful Train song "Drops of Jupiter" and as a result, she performed badly.
#TheGirlWithTheCaliforniaTattoo
CJ: Sang a John Mayer song. So I immediately blacked out. I came to a couple minutes later to find blood on my walls. It wasn't mine. I have no idea what happened.
#CaptainJackass
Sam: Hipster douche who can't grow a hipster mustache sang some hipster song with his hipster hat on. Hipster.
#SuckyLikeTheWoolf
Malaya Sanjaya: This performance was so bad, I spent the whole time dreaming about how great it would have been if the world did blow up in 2012
#MalayanCalender
Ben: It was just ok.
#IGuess
Majesty: This night was full of crap performances and this was the perfect way to cap it off.
#CrownOfCrap
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
American Idol Top 13 2/26/14
Dexter: He looks like a young Jay Leno. And what Leno is to comedy, this guy is to country music. A waste of time.
#CountryWrong
Mayala: She told us "Nothing is the same." Well, she was wrong. Cause this was just as horrible as her other performances. Easily the worst out of this bunch.
#SSDD
Kristen: I really wanted to like this, because this chick is hot, but this was a poor performance and if she keeps it up, she won't last long.
#SuchAShame
Ben: Despite myself, I actually enjoyed this guy. He has natural charisma. He didn't sound too bad.
#BizzaroWorld
C.J.: Generic country sound. Darius Rucker 2.0
#ChurchJerk
M.K.: She looked really pretty tonight. She still looks like a young Jonathan Taylor Thomas from a distance though. Wasn't her best, but it was decent.
#IdolImprovement
Majesty: Bad, bad, bad, bad ,bad. She reminds me of a Newton's Cradle. Once it gets going, it's fun to look at for a while, but it's gets boring and pointless after a minute.
#MajesticMess
Jena: Sang "The Scientist" by Coldplay. we don't need a scientist to test this theory: Jena sucks.
#ScienceBitch
Alex: Wait, he's friends with Alex and Sierra. And he's dating Jillian Jensen. This guy is an X-Facor plant. Simon is secretly trying to take Idol back over.
#VibaLaRevolution
Jessica: She said she's obsessed with Supernatural. I hope from Hell to Castiel she is talking about the show. Anyways, she is fantastic. The best female.
#SuperNaturalTalent
Emily: Very throaty, sexy voice. I like her a lot.
#IWantToSeeMoreOfHerPink
Sam: He sang Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell." And that is the perfect description for this performance. He is weak. And he looks like an older Carl Grimes.
#TheWalkingDud
Caleb: Yep, Jack Black light.
#SchoolOfSuck
#CountryWrong
Mayala: She told us "Nothing is the same." Well, she was wrong. Cause this was just as horrible as her other performances. Easily the worst out of this bunch.
#SSDD
Kristen: I really wanted to like this, because this chick is hot, but this was a poor performance and if she keeps it up, she won't last long.
#SuchAShame
Ben: Despite myself, I actually enjoyed this guy. He has natural charisma. He didn't sound too bad.
#BizzaroWorld
C.J.: Generic country sound. Darius Rucker 2.0
#ChurchJerk
M.K.: She looked really pretty tonight. She still looks like a young Jonathan Taylor Thomas from a distance though. Wasn't her best, but it was decent.
#IdolImprovement
Majesty: Bad, bad, bad, bad ,bad. She reminds me of a Newton's Cradle. Once it gets going, it's fun to look at for a while, but it's gets boring and pointless after a minute.
#MajesticMess
Jena: Sang "The Scientist" by Coldplay. we don't need a scientist to test this theory: Jena sucks.
#ScienceBitch
Alex: Wait, he's friends with Alex and Sierra. And he's dating Jillian Jensen. This guy is an X-Facor plant. Simon is secretly trying to take Idol back over.
#VibaLaRevolution
Jessica: She said she's obsessed with Supernatural. I hope from Hell to Castiel she is talking about the show. Anyways, she is fantastic. The best female.
#SuperNaturalTalent
Emily: Very throaty, sexy voice. I like her a lot.
#IWantToSeeMoreOfHerPink
Sam: He sang Matchbox Twenty's "Unwell." And that is the perfect description for this performance. He is weak. And he looks like an older Carl Grimes.
#TheWalkingDud
Caleb: Yep, Jack Black light.
#SchoolOfSuck
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Review for American Idol 2/19/14 Top 10/15 Guys
It's Rush Week and not a single person sang Tom Sawyer.
If you thought the girls did great, then you must have loved the guys.
Caleb: Hack Jack Black did a great job of shouting out a tune.
#PretentiousD
C.J.: The hat he wore was so stupid, it made his mediocre performance sound like crap.
#CappedJerk
Emmanuel: 4 day old tacos from Taco Bell warmed up in a microwave couldn't give me a worse stomach ache than this performance did.
#EmmanuSmell
Sam: Boring. This was Ben Stein reading out loud transcripts of "Antiques Roadshow" boring.
#DullSamIAm
George: He sang "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. This performance made me wish I hade a grenade. Weak sauce.
#ThisGrenadeWasADud
Dexter: This was way too country.
#DextersFlab
Alex: As much as I want to hate him for snagging up Jillian, he is the best male singer out of this bunch.
#JillianNooooo
Malcolm: Gah, another mediocre performance. So much for 13 being Idol's lucky number. If Malcolm here is one of their best, then Idol should be put out of its misery like that other singing show Fox had.
#MalcolmXFactor
Ben: Well, I guess all that nonsense from last night wasn't for nothing. He was probably second best of the night. But that don't mean anything.
#AmericaMadeTheRightChoiceLOL
Spencer: Sucked. They saved the worst for last. Another Beiber clone that'll get by on good looks.
#LoveDontDieButDreamsDo
If you thought the girls did great, then you must have loved the guys.
Caleb: Hack Jack Black did a great job of shouting out a tune.
#PretentiousD
C.J.: The hat he wore was so stupid, it made his mediocre performance sound like crap.
#CappedJerk
Emmanuel: 4 day old tacos from Taco Bell warmed up in a microwave couldn't give me a worse stomach ache than this performance did.
#EmmanuSmell
Sam: Boring. This was Ben Stein reading out loud transcripts of "Antiques Roadshow" boring.
#DullSamIAm
George: He sang "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. This performance made me wish I hade a grenade. Weak sauce.
#ThisGrenadeWasADud
Dexter: This was way too country.
#DextersFlab
Alex: As much as I want to hate him for snagging up Jillian, he is the best male singer out of this bunch.
#JillianNooooo
Malcolm: Gah, another mediocre performance. So much for 13 being Idol's lucky number. If Malcolm here is one of their best, then Idol should be put out of its misery like that other singing show Fox had.
#MalcolmXFactor
Ben: Well, I guess all that nonsense from last night wasn't for nothing. He was probably second best of the night. But that don't mean anything.
#AmericaMadeTheRightChoiceLOL
Spencer: Sucked. They saved the worst for last. Another Beiber clone that'll get by on good looks.
#LoveDontDieButDreamsDo
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Review for American Idol Top 10/15 Girls
Majesty: As soon as she started singing, the song got away from her. And she wasn't able to get it back. She sucks.
#OnHerMajestysSuckyService
Kristen: The song choice sucked. Her voice sounds older than she is. Mediocre at best. Lucky for her, she is hot.
#IdPlayDoctorWithThisNurse
Briana: She was decent. Not bad, but not really great. So automatically, she's one of the best in this competition.
#BravestWarrior
Jena(Gee-nah): This was crap. She "sang" The Rolling Stones classic "Paint It Black." This song was like a no name character on "The Walking Dead" and Jena was a walker. She tore into this song like it was a piece of meat.
#PaintItCrap
Bria: Unimpressive. It was so lackadaisical that I didn't bother coming up with anything else to say.
#WrongSideOfAnySong
Marrielle: Black Miley Cyrus. Nuff said.
#NoShoeSensation
Jessica: Her nerves were trying to get the best of her, but she held through. And the song choice didn't help either. Actually, most of the song choices were pretty bad tonight.
#IWantToHaveSexWithThisChick
Emily: This was a pretty sexy performance. The singing not that great though. But, I'll be keeping my eye on this girl nevertheless.
#OohLaLaIndeed
MK: This was probably the only honest performance of the night. It's actually great to finally have a contestant who isn't trying to over sing everything. She could be a tad stronger in some parts, but overall, she is a breath of fresh air. Also, I want her to get far in the competition, because it seems Keith has a slight problem with gay people.
#MoralKombat
Malaya: Really? REALLY? They bring out this thing instead of Jillian Jensen? WTF? This thing sucked all over the place.
#WTFWasThePointOfHavingATop15
#OnHerMajestysSuckyService
Kristen: The song choice sucked. Her voice sounds older than she is. Mediocre at best. Lucky for her, she is hot.
#IdPlayDoctorWithThisNurse
Briana: She was decent. Not bad, but not really great. So automatically, she's one of the best in this competition.
#BravestWarrior
Jena(Gee-nah): This was crap. She "sang" The Rolling Stones classic "Paint It Black." This song was like a no name character on "The Walking Dead" and Jena was a walker. She tore into this song like it was a piece of meat.
#PaintItCrap
Bria: Unimpressive. It was so lackadaisical that I didn't bother coming up with anything else to say.
#WrongSideOfAnySong
Marrielle: Black Miley Cyrus. Nuff said.
#NoShoeSensation
Jessica: Her nerves were trying to get the best of her, but she held through. And the song choice didn't help either. Actually, most of the song choices were pretty bad tonight.
#IWantToHaveSexWithThisChick
Emily: This was a pretty sexy performance. The singing not that great though. But, I'll be keeping my eye on this girl nevertheless.
#OohLaLaIndeed
MK: This was probably the only honest performance of the night. It's actually great to finally have a contestant who isn't trying to over sing everything. She could be a tad stronger in some parts, but overall, she is a breath of fresh air. Also, I want her to get far in the competition, because it seems Keith has a slight problem with gay people.
#MoralKombat
Malaya: Really? REALLY? They bring out this thing instead of Jillian Jensen? WTF? This thing sucked all over the place.
#WTFWasThePointOfHavingATop15
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