Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 3
Scott's Picks.
Clark: Sang "Beautiful Day" by U2. This was not a beautiful day. It was dreary and exhausting. Just like this performance. Clark is way more Bozo than Bono. Ryan noted that the only other contestant to sing this song was Lee DeWyze. Sometimes, they make this so easy for me.
#UBlew
Nick: Sang "Because The Night" by Bruce Springsteen. What an insult to The Boss by giving one of his songs to such a generic loser singer. It's like giving the role of James Bond to Pauly Shore.
#LicenseToSuck
Jax: Sang "My Generation" by The Who. She had a fun time singing a fun song, It was fun to watch and to listen to. Really fun to watch.
#SideBoob
Hometown Dedications.
Nick: His hometown visit was the typical generic visit you'd expect. He sang "Back Home" by Andy Grammer. Nick is the kind of singer youd expect to see in a second rate boy band that is made up of twenty somethings. They put out one album and are never heard again unless one of them gets a gig hosting some lame show on MTV.
#GoBackHome
Clark: His hometown visit was boring as hell. A Cabbage Patch Doll has more personality than Clark. At one point during his concert, a choir from Lee University showed up to sing with him. His hometown dedication song was "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding, despite the fact that there isn't a bay in his hometown. This was one of his worst performances.
#LeeDeWyzeUniversity
Jax: Her hometown visit was heartwarming to watch. She deserves happiness and it was nice to see her get it. She sang "My Immortal" by Evanescence. She looked gorgeous and sounded gorgeous. One of the best Idol performances ever.
#BeautyNeverDies
Judges' Picks.
Clark: Sang some stupid song from the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. What that movie is to film, Clark is to music.
#50ShadesOfSuck
Jax: Sang "Misery Business" by Paramour. It was an unique take on the song and it worked. Unlike the others, Jax has continued to improve week after week. Never has there been a more clear winner.
#PuttingTheOthersOutOfBusiness
Nick: Sang "I'll Be" by Edwin McClain. You'll be nothing Nick, you'll be nothing.
#NickFraudian
And Rayvon is finally Ray-GONE!!!!
Clark: Sang "Beautiful Day" by U2. This was not a beautiful day. It was dreary and exhausting. Just like this performance. Clark is way more Bozo than Bono. Ryan noted that the only other contestant to sing this song was Lee DeWyze. Sometimes, they make this so easy for me.
#UBlew
Nick: Sang "Because The Night" by Bruce Springsteen. What an insult to The Boss by giving one of his songs to such a generic loser singer. It's like giving the role of James Bond to Pauly Shore.
#LicenseToSuck
Jax: Sang "My Generation" by The Who. She had a fun time singing a fun song, It was fun to watch and to listen to. Really fun to watch.
#SideBoob
Hometown Dedications.
Nick: His hometown visit was the typical generic visit you'd expect. He sang "Back Home" by Andy Grammer. Nick is the kind of singer youd expect to see in a second rate boy band that is made up of twenty somethings. They put out one album and are never heard again unless one of them gets a gig hosting some lame show on MTV.
#GoBackHome
Clark: His hometown visit was boring as hell. A Cabbage Patch Doll has more personality than Clark. At one point during his concert, a choir from Lee University showed up to sing with him. His hometown dedication song was "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding, despite the fact that there isn't a bay in his hometown. This was one of his worst performances.
#LeeDeWyzeUniversity
Jax: Her hometown visit was heartwarming to watch. She deserves happiness and it was nice to see her get it. She sang "My Immortal" by Evanescence. She looked gorgeous and sounded gorgeous. One of the best Idol performances ever.
#BeautyNeverDies
Judges' Picks.
Clark: Sang some stupid song from the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. What that movie is to film, Clark is to music.
#50ShadesOfSuck
Jax: Sang "Misery Business" by Paramour. It was an unique take on the song and it worked. Unlike the others, Jax has continued to improve week after week. Never has there been a more clear winner.
#PuttingTheOthersOutOfBusiness
Nick: Sang "I'll Be" by Edwin McClain. You'll be nothing Nick, you'll be nothing.
#NickFraudian
And Rayvon is finally Ray-GONE!!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 5
ROUND 1
Jax: I don't know what song she sang and I don't care. THOSE LEGS!!!!!! 😗😜😁 That's the only thing that mattered in this performance.
#LEGS
Nick: Sang "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5. Having watched Daredevil on Netflix, I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I had the same condition as Matt Murdock.
I wondered if music would sound different too. If I would be able to hear it on a whole other level. And if I were able to hear every beautiful note amplified by a million, then I ould also hear every flaw the same way. And if I were to listen to this performance like that, I would have purposely taken away my hearing too
#TheManWithoutEars
Clark: Sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song made me reminisce about yesterday. Because I wasn't listening to Clark that day. Ah, good memories.
#ClarkTodayGonetomorrow
Tyanna: Sang "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. I don't care what kind of party it is or where it's located, if Tyanna started singing there, the mood would go from a Bachelor Party to a Donner Party within seconds.
#BuzzKillington
Rayvon: Sang "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith. So, the cockroach decided to sing the only Sam Smith song I like. And he treated this song like the pestering insect he is. He crushed it underneath his foot. This sucked. Hopefully this bug that refuses to die gets squashed himself next week.
#RaidOn
Round 2
Nick: Sang "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Listening to Nick sing this song was like watching a kid with cystic fibrosis run a triathlon. He was way out of his element. Sucked.
#ReadySetBlow
Tyanna: Sang "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I don't believe in Heaven, but if there is one, and some angels up there saw this performance, I have no doubt they strangled themselves with their own halos. This was hell.
#PainInParadise
Clark: Sang "Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Boring Beckham belts bland Beiber boyfriend ballad badly.
#Blah
Jax: Sang "White Flag" by Dido. Jax, this is a white flag being waved for you, it's a checkered one. Because you are the obvious winner this season. Talent, looks, personality. You are ready to cross the finish line while the others are dozens of laps behind you.
#LeaderOfTheTrax
Rayvon: Sang "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Ray, go your own way. We'll be headed in the other direction.
#BlowYourOwnGay
And goodbye to Mr. Crybaby Quentin. There, now you can go see your best friend Joey. And while you're at it, think about the mistake you made this season. Trying to sing a Florence + The Machine song. You don't even have a iota of the talent Florence Welch has, so what makes you think you are worthy enough to have her songs exit your mouth?
That is what is truly whack.
Jax: I don't know what song she sang and I don't care. THOSE LEGS!!!!!! 😗😜😁 That's the only thing that mattered in this performance.
#LEGS
Nick: Sang "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5. Having watched Daredevil on Netflix, I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I had the same condition as Matt Murdock.
I wondered if music would sound different too. If I would be able to hear it on a whole other level. And if I were able to hear every beautiful note amplified by a million, then I ould also hear every flaw the same way. And if I were to listen to this performance like that, I would have purposely taken away my hearing too
#TheManWithoutEars
Clark: Sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song made me reminisce about yesterday. Because I wasn't listening to Clark that day. Ah, good memories.
#ClarkTodayGonetomorrow
Tyanna: Sang "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. I don't care what kind of party it is or where it's located, if Tyanna started singing there, the mood would go from a Bachelor Party to a Donner Party within seconds.
#BuzzKillington
Rayvon: Sang "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith. So, the cockroach decided to sing the only Sam Smith song I like. And he treated this song like the pestering insect he is. He crushed it underneath his foot. This sucked. Hopefully this bug that refuses to die gets squashed himself next week.
#RaidOn
Round 2
Nick: Sang "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Listening to Nick sing this song was like watching a kid with cystic fibrosis run a triathlon. He was way out of his element. Sucked.
#ReadySetBlow
Tyanna: Sang "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I don't believe in Heaven, but if there is one, and some angels up there saw this performance, I have no doubt they strangled themselves with their own halos. This was hell.
#PainInParadise
Clark: Sang "Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Boring Beckham belts bland Beiber boyfriend ballad badly.
#Blah
Jax: Sang "White Flag" by Dido. Jax, this is a white flag being waved for you, it's a checkered one. Because you are the obvious winner this season. Talent, looks, personality. You are ready to cross the finish line while the others are dozens of laps behind you.
#LeaderOfTheTrax
Rayvon: Sang "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Ray, go your own way. We'll be headed in the other direction.
#BlowYourOwnGay
And goodbye to Mr. Crybaby Quentin. There, now you can go see your best friend Joey. And while you're at it, think about the mistake you made this season. Trying to sing a Florence + The Machine song. You don't even have a iota of the talent Florence Welch has, so what makes you think you are worthy enough to have her songs exit your mouth?
That is what is truly whack.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
American idol Season 14 Top 7
Billboard Top Hits Night or AKA Songs You're Probably Sick Of Hearing.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 8
Kelly Clarkson Night.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 9
American Idol Season 14 can be summed up by this monologue by The Joker from Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke."
"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"
We started the show with David Hasselhoff doing a medley of 80's songs. It was horrible and a sign of things to come.
The "Idols" then joined Boy George to sing "Karma Chameleon." This was wretched.
Time for 80's Night, my favorite decade of music. I'm going to hate this.
Daniel: Sang "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oats. This made my nightmares come true. A fun upbeat song that got steamrolled by this kid's lack of talent.
#DullAndNoVotes
Quentin: Sang Phil Collins epic "In The Air Tonight." This song always has an impact on me every time I hear it. Until now. For some mad reason, Quentin was singing with this weird accent that totally took away from the song. It was all I could focus on. It sucked.
#PeonGenesis
Joey: Sang "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." This. This. This was one of the worst performances in Idol history. It was the musical equivalent of this 80's event:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfnvFnzs91s
#NoFunAtAll
Tyanna: Sang "I Want To Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. This was as exciting as an episode of Mr. Belvedere.
#NewCoke
Jax: Sang Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name." She gives love a good name. I loved everything about this. Her arrangement of the song, her vocals, her looks. She is the rose in a garden of weeds.
#JumpingJaxFlash
Nick: Sang "Man In The Mirror." Nick now has 7 years of bad luck, cause he broke that mirror.
#NoPerfectionReflection
Salt & Peppa came out to sing "Push It." Damn you Geico. Damn you straight to hell.
Clark: This moron didn't know how to use a Lite Brite. He then sang "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. He made a song about stalking sound like a boring love ballad. People love this guy apparently. And at one point, people loved "Achy Breaky Heart."
#DimBulb
Qaasim: Ugh. Sang Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love." He was more subdued this time, which allowed his terrible vocals to be presented more. A stupid save.
#AddictedToDumb
Rayvon: Sang one of my personal favorites from the 80's Tears For Fears's classic "Everybody Wants To Rule The World." This was beyond horrible. If you've ever seen the movie "Deliverance" then you know about that scene in the woods. This is what he did to that song. He made it squeal like a pig.
#AWorldDrownedInTears
Goodbye to Maddie and Adanna. We will always remember to forget you.
"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?"
We started the show with David Hasselhoff doing a medley of 80's songs. It was horrible and a sign of things to come.
The "Idols" then joined Boy George to sing "Karma Chameleon." This was wretched.
Time for 80's Night, my favorite decade of music. I'm going to hate this.
Daniel: Sang "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oats. This made my nightmares come true. A fun upbeat song that got steamrolled by this kid's lack of talent.
#DullAndNoVotes
Quentin: Sang Phil Collins epic "In The Air Tonight." This song always has an impact on me every time I hear it. Until now. For some mad reason, Quentin was singing with this weird accent that totally took away from the song. It was all I could focus on. It sucked.
#PeonGenesis
Joey: Sang "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." This. This. This was one of the worst performances in Idol history. It was the musical equivalent of this 80's event:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfnvFnzs91s
#NoFunAtAll
Tyanna: Sang "I Want To Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. This was as exciting as an episode of Mr. Belvedere.
#NewCoke
Jax: Sang Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name." She gives love a good name. I loved everything about this. Her arrangement of the song, her vocals, her looks. She is the rose in a garden of weeds.
#JumpingJaxFlash
Nick: Sang "Man In The Mirror." Nick now has 7 years of bad luck, cause he broke that mirror.
#NoPerfectionReflection
Salt & Peppa came out to sing "Push It." Damn you Geico. Damn you straight to hell.
Clark: This moron didn't know how to use a Lite Brite. He then sang "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. He made a song about stalking sound like a boring love ballad. People love this guy apparently. And at one point, people loved "Achy Breaky Heart."
#DimBulb
Qaasim: Ugh. Sang Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love." He was more subdued this time, which allowed his terrible vocals to be presented more. A stupid save.
#AddictedToDumb
Rayvon: Sang one of my personal favorites from the 80's Tears For Fears's classic "Everybody Wants To Rule The World." This was beyond horrible. If you've ever seen the movie "Deliverance" then you know about that scene in the woods. This is what he did to that song. He made it squeal like a pig.
#AWorldDrownedInTears
Goodbye to Maddie and Adanna. We will always remember to forget you.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 10
You want to save this show, but you don't want it to change. You're all puppets, tangled in strings. I am free to destroy this show.
There are no strings on me.
We opened with the top 11 singing "Get Lucky." It sounded like it belonged ona Kidsz Bop CD.
Adanna: Sang some Jennifer Hudson song from "Dreamgirls." This was less dream and more nightmare. She tried too hard to be like Hudson and failed miserably.
#RequiemForADreamGirl
Daniel: Sang "Lost Stars" by Adam Levine. He managed to get a higher pitch than Adam in some parts, which is not a good thing. The other parts were complete trash.
#ThereWillBeSuck
Rayvon: Sang "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. This was beyond terrible. I had a hell of a time stayin' alive myself, cause I was begging for the sweet release of death to take me away from the vocal torture he was performing on my ears. And my soul.
#IdolRayvonMassacre.
Nick: "Sang "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins. I don't even know what the hell he was trying to do with this song. It was like giving a cook a bunch of great ingredients for a meal, all he makes is soup.
#AFewGoodPerformances
Joey: Did a cover of Gary Jules' cover of Tears For Fears' "Mad World." A song from "Donnie Darko," a movie that was confusing as hell, and yet it made more sense than how in the hell this joke keeps making it week to week.
#KrappyKlownsFromOuterSpace
Tyanna: Sang "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King." I wanted to feed her to the hyenas, this sucked so much.
#CHUD
Quentin: Gave a surprising performance with "You're The One That I Want" from "Greese." This was classic Quentin. Solid performance.
#GloriousBasterd
Maddie: Sang "Let's Hear It For The Boy" from "Footloose". If John Lithgow's character had heard her sing, he would have banned dancing and singing in the town.
#GetGoneGirl
Clark: I swear, Lee DeWyze had more personality than this guy. This was the most boring performance in the history of Idol. And by the most boring singer ever. I don't even remember what he sang, and I wrote it down.
#TheBoredIdentity
Jax: Sang some song from "The Wedding Singer." This girl looks and sounds like a movie star. She is fantastic.
#JaxToTheFuture
And now we come to the most IDIOTIC, STUPID, DUMB, MIND BOGGLING, decision ever made in the history of Idol.
Quaasim performs his Save Me song, "Come Together" and it was downright atrocious. More of his typical style over substance, but this time it was turned up to 11. He had props, he made stupid faces, he was all over the place. And he sounded terrible.
And the Judges saved him.
They saved him.
I can't even comprehend this. Absurdly stupid.
There are no strings on me.
We opened with the top 11 singing "Get Lucky." It sounded like it belonged ona Kidsz Bop CD.
Adanna: Sang some Jennifer Hudson song from "Dreamgirls." This was less dream and more nightmare. She tried too hard to be like Hudson and failed miserably.
#RequiemForADreamGirl
Daniel: Sang "Lost Stars" by Adam Levine. He managed to get a higher pitch than Adam in some parts, which is not a good thing. The other parts were complete trash.
#ThereWillBeSuck
Rayvon: Sang "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. This was beyond terrible. I had a hell of a time stayin' alive myself, cause I was begging for the sweet release of death to take me away from the vocal torture he was performing on my ears. And my soul.
#IdolRayvonMassacre.
Nick: "Sang "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins. I don't even know what the hell he was trying to do with this song. It was like giving a cook a bunch of great ingredients for a meal, all he makes is soup.
#AFewGoodPerformances
Joey: Did a cover of Gary Jules' cover of Tears For Fears' "Mad World." A song from "Donnie Darko," a movie that was confusing as hell, and yet it made more sense than how in the hell this joke keeps making it week to week.
#KrappyKlownsFromOuterSpace
Tyanna: Sang "Circle of Life" from "The Lion King." I wanted to feed her to the hyenas, this sucked so much.
#CHUD
Quentin: Gave a surprising performance with "You're The One That I Want" from "Greese." This was classic Quentin. Solid performance.
#GloriousBasterd
Maddie: Sang "Let's Hear It For The Boy" from "Footloose". If John Lithgow's character had heard her sing, he would have banned dancing and singing in the town.
#GetGoneGirl
Clark: I swear, Lee DeWyze had more personality than this guy. This was the most boring performance in the history of Idol. And by the most boring singer ever. I don't even remember what he sang, and I wrote it down.
#TheBoredIdentity
Jax: Sang some song from "The Wedding Singer." This girl looks and sounds like a movie star. She is fantastic.
#JaxToTheFuture
And now we come to the most IDIOTIC, STUPID, DUMB, MIND BOGGLING, decision ever made in the history of Idol.
Quaasim performs his Save Me song, "Come Together" and it was downright atrocious. More of his typical style over substance, but this time it was turned up to 11. He had props, he made stupid faces, he was all over the place. And he sounded terrible.
And the Judges saved him.
They saved him.
I can't even comprehend this. Absurdly stupid.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 11
This show is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The judges spew out lies and they will drown in them. The accumulated filth of all the suckiness and talentless performances will foam up at the waists of the singers and they will look up at me and scream "Help us!" And I will look down and whisper "No."
Rayvon: Gave us a rendition of Ellie Goulding's "Burn." The song itself is bad, but Ellie is hot as hell, therefor she is allowed to sing a bad song like this one, anyone else is just going to suck. Rayvon proved this.
#HeatResistant
Maddie: Country girl sang a Country song so Country that it had "Country" in the title. Country x Country x Country x Country = Sucks.
#KickHerInTheCountry
Joey: Well, looks like the clown made it to the next round. And to remind us all what a joke she is, she sang an Iggy Azalea song. And it was terrible. It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad.
#SomebodySpikedThePunchline
Clark: From week to week, I completely forget this guy even exists. This guy is as generic as it gets.
#BlandItLikeBeckham
Jax: Sang Taylor Swift's "Blank Space." She gave it an 80's pop twist to it which was pretty cool. Should could have done without the interaction with the staged boy in the audience, but other than that, it was a solid performance.
#SheCanWriteMyName
Qaasim: He sang "Jet" by Paul McCartney which was fitting, cause this performance was a plane crash. It proved what I have been saying all along. All style, no substance. Sucked.
#HitTheEject
Adanna: Sang "Runaway Baby." This was an abortion.
#DumpsterBaby
Tyanna: Sang "Tightrope." I don't think the rope was very tight, cause she was all over the place with this.
#CutTheRope
Daniel: Sang "Happy" which automatically makes him the worst contestant this season.
#Crappy
Quentin: Sang "Rolling In The Deep" despite giving it a quasi-reggae twist to it, it was still an unnecessary Adele cover and definitely not up to the standars of his past performances.
#HeWasRollingSomething
Nick: Sang "Wake Me Up." My sentiments exactly. This performance should have come with a "do no operate heavy machinery while listening to this" warning. Sucked.
#SnoozeYouLose
And we say goodbye Sarina Joi.
Forever.
Rayvon: Gave us a rendition of Ellie Goulding's "Burn." The song itself is bad, but Ellie is hot as hell, therefor she is allowed to sing a bad song like this one, anyone else is just going to suck. Rayvon proved this.
#HeatResistant
Maddie: Country girl sang a Country song so Country that it had "Country" in the title. Country x Country x Country x Country = Sucks.
#KickHerInTheCountry
Joey: Well, looks like the clown made it to the next round. And to remind us all what a joke she is, she sang an Iggy Azalea song. And it was terrible. It would have been funny if it wasn't so sad.
#SomebodySpikedThePunchline
Clark: From week to week, I completely forget this guy even exists. This guy is as generic as it gets.
#BlandItLikeBeckham
Jax: Sang Taylor Swift's "Blank Space." She gave it an 80's pop twist to it which was pretty cool. Should could have done without the interaction with the staged boy in the audience, but other than that, it was a solid performance.
#SheCanWriteMyName
Qaasim: He sang "Jet" by Paul McCartney which was fitting, cause this performance was a plane crash. It proved what I have been saying all along. All style, no substance. Sucked.
#HitTheEject
Adanna: Sang "Runaway Baby." This was an abortion.
#DumpsterBaby
Tyanna: Sang "Tightrope." I don't think the rope was very tight, cause she was all over the place with this.
#CutTheRope
Daniel: Sang "Happy" which automatically makes him the worst contestant this season.
#Crappy
Quentin: Sang "Rolling In The Deep" despite giving it a quasi-reggae twist to it, it was still an unnecessary Adele cover and definitely not up to the standars of his past performances.
#HeWasRollingSomething
Nick: Sang "Wake Me Up." My sentiments exactly. This performance should have come with a "do no operate heavy machinery while listening to this" warning. Sucked.
#SnoozeYouLose
And we say goodbye Sarina Joi.
Forever.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 8 Gals
Tyanna: She sang "Rockin' Robin." The 2nd person to take up the mantle of Batman's sidekick, Robin, was a young man by the name of Jason Todd. Originally, Todd was beaten to a bloody pulp with a crowbar and then blown up all at the hands of The Joker. (And the fans who voted for this to happen.) This performance was the audio equivalent of that beating.
#BlewBird
Loren: She screeched out some old Michael Jackson song. Sounded horrible. She was obviously on some kind of drug tonight.
#JustSayNo
Maddie: This generic blonde teen cheerleader sang "I'll Be There" by the Jackson 5. Well, if she's going to be singing there, I won't be there.
#AmericanBoredom
Joey: How in the blue hell did she get through? I bet the same lunatics that voted for Alex last season are voting for this Tumblr Feminist Poster Chick. She attempted to sing "Shop Around." Well, if she's on sale, that store is going to go bankrupt. Sucked.
#DullMart
Sarina Joi: This performance was such a wreck, I thought I was watching footage of Harrison Ford's plane crash. Sucked.
#SingSoloWeCantHearYou
Adanna: Sang "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie. In the song, it is asked, "Is it me you're looking for?" Well, Adanna, the answer to that question is a resounding "No!"
#Goodbye
Jax: She was wearing The Dress. You know, the blue and black one. If she came up to me wearing that dress, I'd tell her to take it off so I could get a closer look. The dress may be blue, but she is downright pure gold. Easily the best this season.
#DressYouUpWithMyLove
Alexis: So this boring chick gets through but not the gorgeous Shi or that JB Shannon. A crime has been committed and you the stupid American public is guilty.
#ShiWasRobbed.
#BlewBird
Loren: She screeched out some old Michael Jackson song. Sounded horrible. She was obviously on some kind of drug tonight.
#JustSayNo
Maddie: This generic blonde teen cheerleader sang "I'll Be There" by the Jackson 5. Well, if she's going to be singing there, I won't be there.
#AmericanBoredom
Joey: How in the blue hell did she get through? I bet the same lunatics that voted for Alex last season are voting for this Tumblr Feminist Poster Chick. She attempted to sing "Shop Around." Well, if she's on sale, that store is going to go bankrupt. Sucked.
#DullMart
Sarina Joi: This performance was such a wreck, I thought I was watching footage of Harrison Ford's plane crash. Sucked.
#SingSoloWeCantHearYou
Adanna: Sang "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie. In the song, it is asked, "Is it me you're looking for?" Well, Adanna, the answer to that question is a resounding "No!"
#Goodbye
Jax: She was wearing The Dress. You know, the blue and black one. If she came up to me wearing that dress, I'd tell her to take it off so I could get a closer look. The dress may be blue, but she is downright pure gold. Easily the best this season.
#DressYouUpWithMyLove
Alexis: So this boring chick gets through but not the gorgeous Shi or that JB Shannon. A crime has been committed and you the stupid American public is guilty.
#ShiWasRobbed.
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 8 Guys.
Aretha Franklin started the show by singing "I Will Survive." And most of us are surprised she has.
Daniel: Sang "How Sweet It is To Be Loved By You." They are singing in Detroit again. Makes me think of 8 Mile. And it makes me wish Daniel was 8 miles away from a microphone. Sucked.
#HeSangReallyGaye
Mark: Sang "Papa Was A Rolling Stone." A rolling stone grows no moss and Mark here couldn't grow a decent fan base if his father was one of The Rolling Stones. Sucked.
#SonOfAMick
Rayvon: Sang "My Girl." I remember a Macaulay Culkin movie by the same name. Gawd, I was hoping a swarm of bees would come in and stop this performance. Sucked.
#HeCantSingWithoutHisGlasses
Adam: Caleb 2.0 here belted out some dreck. Gawd awful performance. This guy is really is the result of Jack Black and Kyle Glass having a baby together. Sucked.
#TenaciousSTD
Clark: Before he took the stage, some music guy read off some lies from a teleprompter.
Like this for example:
Clark's performance was fantastic.
This is the best season yet! Can't
wait to see what comes next!
It's easy to lie when others have to cover up the truth.
#BlankLookOnMyFace
Nick: Sang a Stevie Wonder song.Stevie is blind. This performance made me with I was deaf. Sucked.
#SingerOfALesserGod
Qaasim: He funked this performance up. More style than substance. Atrocious dinging.
#FlashFlunk
Quentin: Easily the best of the guys. He actually gave a descent performance. Don't need to take a peak into the future to know he'll be the last guy standing.
#QuentinLeap
And so we say goodbye to the 2 country jerks, the nerd, and one of the black guys. It was nice not knowing any of you.
Daniel: Sang "How Sweet It is To Be Loved By You." They are singing in Detroit again. Makes me think of 8 Mile. And it makes me wish Daniel was 8 miles away from a microphone. Sucked.
#HeSangReallyGaye
Mark: Sang "Papa Was A Rolling Stone." A rolling stone grows no moss and Mark here couldn't grow a decent fan base if his father was one of The Rolling Stones. Sucked.
#SonOfAMick
Rayvon: Sang "My Girl." I remember a Macaulay Culkin movie by the same name. Gawd, I was hoping a swarm of bees would come in and stop this performance. Sucked.
#HeCantSingWithoutHisGlasses
Adam: Caleb 2.0 here belted out some dreck. Gawd awful performance. This guy is really is the result of Jack Black and Kyle Glass having a baby together. Sucked.
#TenaciousSTD
Clark: Before he took the stage, some music guy read off some lies from a teleprompter.
Like this for example:
Clark's performance was fantastic.
This is the best season yet! Can't
wait to see what comes next!
It's easy to lie when others have to cover up the truth.
#BlankLookOnMyFace
Nick: Sang a Stevie Wonder song.Stevie is blind. This performance made me with I was deaf. Sucked.
#SingerOfALesserGod
Qaasim: He funked this performance up. More style than substance. Atrocious dinging.
#FlashFlunk
Quentin: Easily the best of the guys. He actually gave a descent performance. Don't need to take a peak into the future to know he'll be the last guy standing.
#QuentinLeap
And so we say goodbye to the 2 country jerks, the nerd, and one of the black guys. It was nice not knowing any of you.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 12 Guys and Gals
Sorry for being a day late with the Boys review, had to get caught up on the good shows like Arrow and Gotham.
And the dress is blue and black.
THE BOYS
Adam: Sang "I Wanna Rock." I thought Caleb was as bad as gets regarding Rocker wannabes. Never have I been more wrong. This guy couldn't embody rock & roll if he was Ben Grimm falling down a hill.
#CrockAndDroll
Michael: He sang some Michael Bolton ballad. This was as blah as it gets.
#HowAmISupposedToCare
Savion: Sang the gawd awful Train song "Soul Sister." He did the impossible with it. He made it sound even worse.
#DontSaveSavion
Mark: This guy sounded to clean to be on Idol. He should be on The Voice. He'd never make it past the Knockout Rounds, but at least he would have gotten to meet Christina.
#LoserEitherWay
Trevor: This geek can't sing worth crap, but it doesn't matter, since he'll be a part of The Avengers next year.
#SucktacularSingerMan
Clark" I'm going to have sue American Idol cause this guy's high pitch cause some glass to shatter in my house.
#WhenAManBreaksAWindow
Rayvon: Ha sang that annoyingly catchy sone "Jealous" by 1/3 Jonas Brothers. He can go straight to hell.
#ThisSongIsASin
Daniel: He tried to sing Mraz' "I'm Yours" while playing a Nintendo Wii Guitar. Worst performance so far. Good things do not come in small packages.
Riley: Keith Jr. sang some stupid country song. Sucked.
#NoCountryForYoungMen
Quentin: He sang "I Put A Spell On You." It was an interesting and haunting arrangement, but let's face it, it just made us want to hear this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDidHzwYu3E
#VoodooChild
Nick: Sang some Ed Sheeran song, because it's mandatory for somebody to do it nowadays. It was generic.
#EdSheeranSheeranSoFarAway
Qaasim: James Brown Lite.
#IfItsBrownFlushItDown
THE GIRLS
Lovey: Stupid name. Bland performance. Forgettable girl.
#TilltheLoveyRunsOut
Adanna: When I was younger, I would sometimes spend the weekend at my grandparents house. Some nights, my Grandma would have her friends over to play cards. That was more exciting to watch than this performance.
#FiveCardDud
Alexis: She's got an Amanda Seyfried quality about her that I love, it's a shame she's a country rock chick.
#DeepThroatVoice
Joey: This was the WTF performance of the night. She belongs on America's Got Talent or opening for Weird Al Yankovic cause this has novelty act written all over it.
#AccordianToJim
Katherine: Not even people who can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch would be able to see any singing talent or stage presence this chick might have.
#SeeingIsBelieving
Shannon: Sang P!nk's "Who Knew?"She has a very sultry voice. She's young and needs some experience, but she's got what it takes.
#WeKnowNow.
Loren: She claims to be an actress. Well, I can tell you right now, good singer is not a role she is going to win an audition for.
#AndTheRazzieGoesTo
Shi: Good gawd in hell, she has got a great body. And that outfit she wore tonight, ohhh 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 Who cares if her performance sucked. Shi is great.
#ShisTheOneForMe
Maddie: Another generic country singer.
#Dollycaust
Sarina Joi: I stopped listening to this performance and wnet back to Shi's performance so I could do a little performing of my own
#ShiDrivesMeCrazy
Jax: Another fantastic singer. She has got the good too. Love to see more of her.
#WantToBangBangHer
Tyanna: This performance was as terrible as her hair.
#SheBlueHerself
And the dress is blue and black.
THE BOYS
Adam: Sang "I Wanna Rock." I thought Caleb was as bad as gets regarding Rocker wannabes. Never have I been more wrong. This guy couldn't embody rock & roll if he was Ben Grimm falling down a hill.
#CrockAndDroll
Michael: He sang some Michael Bolton ballad. This was as blah as it gets.
#HowAmISupposedToCare
Savion: Sang the gawd awful Train song "Soul Sister." He did the impossible with it. He made it sound even worse.
#DontSaveSavion
Mark: This guy sounded to clean to be on Idol. He should be on The Voice. He'd never make it past the Knockout Rounds, but at least he would have gotten to meet Christina.
#LoserEitherWay
Trevor: This geek can't sing worth crap, but it doesn't matter, since he'll be a part of The Avengers next year.
#SucktacularSingerMan
Clark" I'm going to have sue American Idol cause this guy's high pitch cause some glass to shatter in my house.
#WhenAManBreaksAWindow
Rayvon: Ha sang that annoyingly catchy sone "Jealous" by 1/3 Jonas Brothers. He can go straight to hell.
#ThisSongIsASin
Daniel: He tried to sing Mraz' "I'm Yours" while playing a Nintendo Wii Guitar. Worst performance so far. Good things do not come in small packages.
Riley: Keith Jr. sang some stupid country song. Sucked.
#NoCountryForYoungMen
Quentin: He sang "I Put A Spell On You." It was an interesting and haunting arrangement, but let's face it, it just made us want to hear this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDidHzwYu3E
#VoodooChild
Nick: Sang some Ed Sheeran song, because it's mandatory for somebody to do it nowadays. It was generic.
#EdSheeranSheeranSoFarAway
Qaasim: James Brown Lite.
#IfItsBrownFlushItDown
THE GIRLS
Lovey: Stupid name. Bland performance. Forgettable girl.
#TilltheLoveyRunsOut
Adanna: When I was younger, I would sometimes spend the weekend at my grandparents house. Some nights, my Grandma would have her friends over to play cards. That was more exciting to watch than this performance.
#FiveCardDud
Alexis: She's got an Amanda Seyfried quality about her that I love, it's a shame she's a country rock chick.
#DeepThroatVoice
Joey: This was the WTF performance of the night. She belongs on America's Got Talent or opening for Weird Al Yankovic cause this has novelty act written all over it.
#AccordianToJim
Katherine: Not even people who can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch would be able to see any singing talent or stage presence this chick might have.
#SeeingIsBelieving
Shannon: Sang P!nk's "Who Knew?"She has a very sultry voice. She's young and needs some experience, but she's got what it takes.
#WeKnowNow.
Loren: She claims to be an actress. Well, I can tell you right now, good singer is not a role she is going to win an audition for.
#AndTheRazzieGoesTo
Shi: Good gawd in hell, she has got a great body. And that outfit she wore tonight, ohhh 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 Who cares if her performance sucked. Shi is great.
#ShisTheOneForMe
Maddie: Another generic country singer.
#Dollycaust
Sarina Joi: I stopped listening to this performance and wnet back to Shi's performance so I could do a little performing of my own
#ShiDrivesMeCrazy
Jax: Another fantastic singer. She has got the good too. Love to see more of her.
#WantToBangBangHer
Tyanna: This performance was as terrible as her hair.
#SheBlueHerself
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