American Idol Season 14 Top 9

American Idol Season 14 can be summed up by this monologue by The Joker from Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke." 

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?" 



We started the show with David Hasselhoff doing a medley of 80's songs. It was horrible and a sign of things to come. 

The "Idols" then joined Boy George to sing "Karma Chameleon." This was wretched. 

Time for 80's Night, my favorite decade of music. I'm going to hate this. 


Daniel: Sang "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oats. This made my nightmares come true. A fun upbeat song that got steamrolled by this kid's lack of talent. 
#DullAndNoVotes 



Quentin: Sang Phil Collins epic "In The Air Tonight." This song always has an impact on me every time I hear it. Until now. For some mad reason, Quentin was singing with this weird accent that totally took away from the song. It was all I could focus on. It sucked. 
#PeonGenesis 



Joey: Sang "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." This. This. This was one of the worst performances in Idol history. It was the musical equivalent of this 80's event: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfnvFnzs91s 
#NoFunAtAll 



Tyanna: Sang "I Want To Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. This was as exciting as an episode of Mr. Belvedere. 
#NewCoke 



Jax: Sang Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name." She gives love a good name. I loved everything about this. Her arrangement of the song, her vocals, her looks. She is the rose in a garden of weeds. 
#JumpingJaxFlash 



Nick: Sang "Man In The Mirror." Nick now has 7 years of bad luck, cause he broke that mirror. 
#NoPerfectionReflection 



Salt & Peppa came out to sing "Push It." Damn you Geico. Damn you straight to hell. 


Clark: This moron didn't know how to use a Lite Brite. He then sang "Every Breath You Take" by The Police. He made a song about stalking sound like a boring love ballad. People love this guy apparently. And at one point, people loved "Achy Breaky Heart." 
#DimBulb 


Qaasim: Ugh. Sang Robert Palmer's "Addicted To Love." He was more subdued this time, which allowed his terrible vocals to be presented more. A stupid save. 
#AddictedToDumb 



Rayvon: Sang one of my personal favorites from the 80's Tears For Fears's classic "Everybody Wants To Rule The World." This was beyond horrible. If you've ever seen the movie "Deliverance" then you know about that scene in the woods. This is what he did to that song. He made it squeal like a pig. 
#AWorldDrownedInTears 


Goodbye to Maddie and Adanna. We will always remember to forget you.