Tonight. we got to say goodbye to Manny, Jeneve, Jenn, and Thomas.
Forever.
Adele came out to to guess judge.
Oh wait, that's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
Olivia: She sang "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry. It's a crap song,
but Olivia actually made it sound pretty good. That's real talent.
#OliviaRocks
Gianna: She sang "Listen" by Beyonce. I listened to this bad
performance for several seconds, then remembered there was a mute button
on my TV controller.
#ClosedCaptionedForTheSingingImpaired
Lee: He reminded us all of the paragon of virtue, Chris "Mad Dog"
Medina. You know, the dude who wheeled his brain damaged fiance out for
sympathy votes. But who can blame him? She wasn't doing much else. Lee
sang "Skinny Love." Never heard of this song before and after this
performance, I never want to hear it again. This was terrible. And Mad
Dog was in the audience too, but thankfully he wasn't mic'd.
#NoLoveForKelly
Avalon: Sang "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes. This was pure amateur hour. Chris Medina's fiance could have sang better than this.
#StitchHerMouthShut
Dalton: Sang "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's. I truly
hate this song with a passion. If it starts playing on the radio in my
car, I will switch the station with such a fury that they would need to
write a whole chapter about it in the book about road rage. So, even
though he didn't sound as bad as the Plain *beep* T's, he still didn't
do himself any favors with this song.
#Crapatonni
There was segment where they cut to Kelly talking about the song she
was going to sing tonight. However, my attention was fully on the
little blonde girl in the background who appeared to be eating the hair
of the girl in front of her.
Tristan: Sang some weird song. The whole arrangement of it was just
off putting and eclectic. She's got a good voice, but this song was not
the right showcase for it.
#BarryMardonesHadTheRightIdea
MacKenzie: Sang an Ed Sheeran song because it's a requirement at
this point. He brought nothing new to the table. Sounded like any other
male contestant singing an Ed Sheeran song.
#TheBourgRedundancy
La'Porsha: She sang "Diamonds" by Rihanna. This was the typical
performance and vocal gymnastics you'd expect from a woman like her.
They are a dime a dozen. Nothing special at all and completely
overrated.
#LaBortion
Sonika:Sang "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence. Not only was this her
best performance, but it was the performance of the night. I loved
this.
#WokeMeUpInside
Trent: Sang "Like I Can" by Sam Smith (of course). He sounds like Charlie Kelly when he sings. Nuff said.
#TheNightmanCometh
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man came out to sing.
Hold on, I'm told it's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
It was some song she wrote while she was cooking up kid number one.
Something about a deadbeat dad or something like that. It made Keith cry
like a little bitch
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
American Idol Final Season Not Top Ten
Ohhhhh Blog Readers, don't you dare be sour! Clap for your Review Champion and feel the power!
It's a New Season, yes it is!
We start off with our Top 14 with 4 of them getting automatic passes to the Top 10. And those 4 are:
Dalton, Olivia, Trent, and Big Hair.
The other ten are going to sing in hopes of getting voted into the top 10. Which 6 will get it? Well, let's see how they did.
Manny: He sang "Master Blaster" by Stevie Wonder. This was less Master Blaster and more Master Bator. Total jerk off of a performance with no real satisfaction at the end.
#MannyTheHandy
Gianna: She sang "Put A Spell On You." She put a spell on me all right, Boringus Gotosleepus. If music is magic, then this daughter of a musician turned out to be a Squib.
#WitchIsWorse
Thomas: Sang "Story of my Life" by One Direction. Terrible song, terrible performance. The only direction this kid is going is straight home.
#ShortStory
Tristian: Sang "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts. Probably the best performance of the night. It wasn't bad, not that great either. It's like getting a Loot Crate where it's filled with inflatable crowns and air fresheners and one mystery bag item from Orphan Black. You're not a fan of the show, but it seems pretty cool and the mystery bag figure was a lot better than that other crap.
#NotAPopVinyl
Avalon: Sang "Yo" by Chris Brown. In the show "Gargoyles," time goes much slower on the island of Avalon than it does in the rest of the world. And there is not enough time there to get this crap performance out of my head. Gawd awful.
#YoYoBlah
Jenn: Sang "True Colors" by Cyndi Laupner. It looked like all the true colors were in this freak's eyebrows. This performance was nails on a chalkboard awful.
#ColorHerBad
Lee: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. It didn't rain here, but it did snow. And watching that snow melt was a lot more exciting than anything in this performance.
#MakeItPlain
Sonika: Sang "I Surrender" by Celine Dion. Make your enemies listen to this performance and they'll surrender too. The boredom will completely wear them out.
#SonikaTheDredgeHog
Jeneve: Sang "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. Before he died, Cash gave us a tremendous cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt." It was glorious. This performance, was the exact opposite of that. Absolutely terrible from start to finish.
#HurtMyEarsToday
MacKenzie: Hank McCoy JR here sang his own song called "Roses." Speaking of Beasts and roses, the one in that Disney movie had to make someone fall in love with him before the petals of an enchanted rose fell completely off. If that beast tried to woo his beauty with this song, he would not have a happy ending.
#BeastOfBurden
It's a New Season, yes it is!
We start off with our Top 14 with 4 of them getting automatic passes to the Top 10. And those 4 are:
Dalton, Olivia, Trent, and Big Hair.
The other ten are going to sing in hopes of getting voted into the top 10. Which 6 will get it? Well, let's see how they did.
Manny: He sang "Master Blaster" by Stevie Wonder. This was less Master Blaster and more Master Bator. Total jerk off of a performance with no real satisfaction at the end.
#MannyTheHandy
Gianna: She sang "Put A Spell On You." She put a spell on me all right, Boringus Gotosleepus. If music is magic, then this daughter of a musician turned out to be a Squib.
#WitchIsWorse
Thomas: Sang "Story of my Life" by One Direction. Terrible song, terrible performance. The only direction this kid is going is straight home.
#ShortStory
Tristian: Sang "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts. Probably the best performance of the night. It wasn't bad, not that great either. It's like getting a Loot Crate where it's filled with inflatable crowns and air fresheners and one mystery bag item from Orphan Black. You're not a fan of the show, but it seems pretty cool and the mystery bag figure was a lot better than that other crap.
#NotAPopVinyl
Avalon: Sang "Yo" by Chris Brown. In the show "Gargoyles," time goes much slower on the island of Avalon than it does in the rest of the world. And there is not enough time there to get this crap performance out of my head. Gawd awful.
#YoYoBlah
Jenn: Sang "True Colors" by Cyndi Laupner. It looked like all the true colors were in this freak's eyebrows. This performance was nails on a chalkboard awful.
#ColorHerBad
Lee: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. It didn't rain here, but it did snow. And watching that snow melt was a lot more exciting than anything in this performance.
#MakeItPlain
Sonika: Sang "I Surrender" by Celine Dion. Make your enemies listen to this performance and they'll surrender too. The boredom will completely wear them out.
#SonikaTheDredgeHog
Jeneve: Sang "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. Before he died, Cash gave us a tremendous cover of Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt." It was glorious. This performance, was the exact opposite of that. Absolutely terrible from start to finish.
#HurtMyEarsToday
MacKenzie: Hank McCoy JR here sang his own song called "Roses." Speaking of Beasts and roses, the one in that Disney movie had to make someone fall in love with him before the petals of an enchanted rose fell completely off. If that beast tried to woo his beauty with this song, he would not have a happy ending.
#BeastOfBurden
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 3
Scott's Picks.
Clark: Sang "Beautiful Day" by U2. This was not a beautiful day. It was dreary and exhausting. Just like this performance. Clark is way more Bozo than Bono. Ryan noted that the only other contestant to sing this song was Lee DeWyze. Sometimes, they make this so easy for me.
#UBlew
Nick: Sang "Because The Night" by Bruce Springsteen. What an insult to The Boss by giving one of his songs to such a generic loser singer. It's like giving the role of James Bond to Pauly Shore.
#LicenseToSuck
Jax: Sang "My Generation" by The Who. She had a fun time singing a fun song, It was fun to watch and to listen to. Really fun to watch.
#SideBoob
Hometown Dedications.
Nick: His hometown visit was the typical generic visit you'd expect. He sang "Back Home" by Andy Grammer. Nick is the kind of singer youd expect to see in a second rate boy band that is made up of twenty somethings. They put out one album and are never heard again unless one of them gets a gig hosting some lame show on MTV.
#GoBackHome
Clark: His hometown visit was boring as hell. A Cabbage Patch Doll has more personality than Clark. At one point during his concert, a choir from Lee University showed up to sing with him. His hometown dedication song was "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding, despite the fact that there isn't a bay in his hometown. This was one of his worst performances.
#LeeDeWyzeUniversity
Jax: Her hometown visit was heartwarming to watch. She deserves happiness and it was nice to see her get it. She sang "My Immortal" by Evanescence. She looked gorgeous and sounded gorgeous. One of the best Idol performances ever.
#BeautyNeverDies
Judges' Picks.
Clark: Sang some stupid song from the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. What that movie is to film, Clark is to music.
#50ShadesOfSuck
Jax: Sang "Misery Business" by Paramour. It was an unique take on the song and it worked. Unlike the others, Jax has continued to improve week after week. Never has there been a more clear winner.
#PuttingTheOthersOutOfBusiness
Nick: Sang "I'll Be" by Edwin McClain. You'll be nothing Nick, you'll be nothing.
#NickFraudian
And Rayvon is finally Ray-GONE!!!!
Clark: Sang "Beautiful Day" by U2. This was not a beautiful day. It was dreary and exhausting. Just like this performance. Clark is way more Bozo than Bono. Ryan noted that the only other contestant to sing this song was Lee DeWyze. Sometimes, they make this so easy for me.
#UBlew
Nick: Sang "Because The Night" by Bruce Springsteen. What an insult to The Boss by giving one of his songs to such a generic loser singer. It's like giving the role of James Bond to Pauly Shore.
#LicenseToSuck
Jax: Sang "My Generation" by The Who. She had a fun time singing a fun song, It was fun to watch and to listen to. Really fun to watch.
#SideBoob
Hometown Dedications.
Nick: His hometown visit was the typical generic visit you'd expect. He sang "Back Home" by Andy Grammer. Nick is the kind of singer youd expect to see in a second rate boy band that is made up of twenty somethings. They put out one album and are never heard again unless one of them gets a gig hosting some lame show on MTV.
#GoBackHome
Clark: His hometown visit was boring as hell. A Cabbage Patch Doll has more personality than Clark. At one point during his concert, a choir from Lee University showed up to sing with him. His hometown dedication song was "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay" by Otis Redding, despite the fact that there isn't a bay in his hometown. This was one of his worst performances.
#LeeDeWyzeUniversity
Jax: Her hometown visit was heartwarming to watch. She deserves happiness and it was nice to see her get it. She sang "My Immortal" by Evanescence. She looked gorgeous and sounded gorgeous. One of the best Idol performances ever.
#BeautyNeverDies
Judges' Picks.
Clark: Sang some stupid song from the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. What that movie is to film, Clark is to music.
#50ShadesOfSuck
Jax: Sang "Misery Business" by Paramour. It was an unique take on the song and it worked. Unlike the others, Jax has continued to improve week after week. Never has there been a more clear winner.
#PuttingTheOthersOutOfBusiness
Nick: Sang "I'll Be" by Edwin McClain. You'll be nothing Nick, you'll be nothing.
#NickFraudian
And Rayvon is finally Ray-GONE!!!!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 5
ROUND 1
Jax: I don't know what song she sang and I don't care. THOSE LEGS!!!!!! 😗😜😁 That's the only thing that mattered in this performance.
#LEGS
Nick: Sang "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5. Having watched Daredevil on Netflix, I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I had the same condition as Matt Murdock.
I wondered if music would sound different too. If I would be able to hear it on a whole other level. And if I were able to hear every beautiful note amplified by a million, then I ould also hear every flaw the same way. And if I were to listen to this performance like that, I would have purposely taken away my hearing too
#TheManWithoutEars
Clark: Sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song made me reminisce about yesterday. Because I wasn't listening to Clark that day. Ah, good memories.
#ClarkTodayGonetomorrow
Tyanna: Sang "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. I don't care what kind of party it is or where it's located, if Tyanna started singing there, the mood would go from a Bachelor Party to a Donner Party within seconds.
#BuzzKillington
Rayvon: Sang "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith. So, the cockroach decided to sing the only Sam Smith song I like. And he treated this song like the pestering insect he is. He crushed it underneath his foot. This sucked. Hopefully this bug that refuses to die gets squashed himself next week.
#RaidOn
Round 2
Nick: Sang "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Listening to Nick sing this song was like watching a kid with cystic fibrosis run a triathlon. He was way out of his element. Sucked.
#ReadySetBlow
Tyanna: Sang "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I don't believe in Heaven, but if there is one, and some angels up there saw this performance, I have no doubt they strangled themselves with their own halos. This was hell.
#PainInParadise
Clark: Sang "Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Boring Beckham belts bland Beiber boyfriend ballad badly.
#Blah
Jax: Sang "White Flag" by Dido. Jax, this is a white flag being waved for you, it's a checkered one. Because you are the obvious winner this season. Talent, looks, personality. You are ready to cross the finish line while the others are dozens of laps behind you.
#LeaderOfTheTrax
Rayvon: Sang "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Ray, go your own way. We'll be headed in the other direction.
#BlowYourOwnGay
And goodbye to Mr. Crybaby Quentin. There, now you can go see your best friend Joey. And while you're at it, think about the mistake you made this season. Trying to sing a Florence + The Machine song. You don't even have a iota of the talent Florence Welch has, so what makes you think you are worthy enough to have her songs exit your mouth?
That is what is truly whack.
Jax: I don't know what song she sang and I don't care. THOSE LEGS!!!!!! 😗😜😁 That's the only thing that mattered in this performance.
#LEGS
Nick: Sang "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5. Having watched Daredevil on Netflix, I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I had the same condition as Matt Murdock.
I wondered if music would sound different too. If I would be able to hear it on a whole other level. And if I were able to hear every beautiful note amplified by a million, then I ould also hear every flaw the same way. And if I were to listen to this performance like that, I would have purposely taken away my hearing too
#TheManWithoutEars
Clark: Sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song made me reminisce about yesterday. Because I wasn't listening to Clark that day. Ah, good memories.
#ClarkTodayGonetomorrow
Tyanna: Sang "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. I don't care what kind of party it is or where it's located, if Tyanna started singing there, the mood would go from a Bachelor Party to a Donner Party within seconds.
#BuzzKillington
Rayvon: Sang "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith. So, the cockroach decided to sing the only Sam Smith song I like. And he treated this song like the pestering insect he is. He crushed it underneath his foot. This sucked. Hopefully this bug that refuses to die gets squashed himself next week.
#RaidOn
Round 2
Nick: Sang "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Listening to Nick sing this song was like watching a kid with cystic fibrosis run a triathlon. He was way out of his element. Sucked.
#ReadySetBlow
Tyanna: Sang "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I don't believe in Heaven, but if there is one, and some angels up there saw this performance, I have no doubt they strangled themselves with their own halos. This was hell.
#PainInParadise
Clark: Sang "Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Boring Beckham belts bland Beiber boyfriend ballad badly.
#Blah
Jax: Sang "White Flag" by Dido. Jax, this is a white flag being waved for you, it's a checkered one. Because you are the obvious winner this season. Talent, looks, personality. You are ready to cross the finish line while the others are dozens of laps behind you.
#LeaderOfTheTrax
Rayvon: Sang "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Ray, go your own way. We'll be headed in the other direction.
#BlowYourOwnGay
And goodbye to Mr. Crybaby Quentin. There, now you can go see your best friend Joey. And while you're at it, think about the mistake you made this season. Trying to sing a Florence + The Machine song. You don't even have a iota of the talent Florence Welch has, so what makes you think you are worthy enough to have her songs exit your mouth?
That is what is truly whack.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
American idol Season 14 Top 7
Billboard Top Hits Night or AKA Songs You're Probably Sick Of Hearing.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 8
Kelly Clarkson Night.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
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