Review for The X-Factor 11/27/13

"Hell is my playground and Heaven is my battlefield."
-Virtual Satyr

BIG BAND NIGHT

This week's hashtags will represent what each performance makes me thankful for.

Michael Buble came out for a performance. I immediately fast forwarded over it.
#ThankfulForDVR

Rion: I figured out what Rion reminds me of. Miss Piggy. She looks and moves just like her. The think the song she sang was called "Swinging." I assume it's about all the people who were tying a noose around their necks after listening to this performance.
#ThankfulForDexterity


Restless Road: I have no idea what their names are, nor do I care. They sang that gawd awful country version of "Life Is A Highway." Straight Tie sounded like a cartoon character. Bow Tie sounded like a parody of Scotty McCreery. No Tie at least sounded normal. Together, they sounded like a bunch of crap. I ended up making a smoothie in my kitchen to kill the memory of listening to this.
#ThankfulForMyBlender


Jeff: Sang Buble's "I'm Feeling Good." Of course, I hate this song, but I'll be damned if Jeff didn't sing the hell out of it. This guy should be the clear winner at this point.
#ThankfulSomeoneOnThisShowHasTalent


Josh: Sang "Treasure" This performance was anything but that. This kid belongs on Nickelodeon. Once he hits puberty, it'll be all over for him.
#ThankfulForMyPubes


Carlito: ¿Por qué siempre tiene bailarines feas con él? No importa cómo lo dice, Carlito es terrible en cualquier idioma.
#ThankfulForGoogleTranslate


Alex & Sierra: Sang a decent jazzed up version of Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble." Finally back to form for these two. This was enjoyable. That being said, their lovey dovey act is getting old.
#ThankfulForBeingSingle


Lillie: I got a text while she was singing. It wasn't till the coaches started talking that I realized I had been texting during her performance without listening to a single bit of it. I'm sure it was just the bees knees or whatever old people her age say.
#ThankfulForMyPhone


Ellona: We were introduced to Ellona's sister, who has terminal cancer. Ellona then gave us a performance that made us envious of her dying sister. I hope somebody reassured her that the nausea was a side effect of the cancer treatment, and not listening to her sister sing.
#ThankfulImAnOnlyChild


All 8 came out and sang something, but I had some Pepto Bismol to chug down, so I didn't catch any of it.


Happy Thanksgiving, my wonderful readers.