Review for X-Factor 12/4/13

"If you're going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill


DIVAS SONGS

Restless Road: Sang some Taylor Swift song. I can't tell you what song it was though, since I can't understand singers when they mumble through the song. Especially when there are three of them doing it at the same time.

#KnewYouWereTerribleWhenYouWalkedIn



Rion: Miss "Not So Subtle Save Me Song" sang some Carrie Underwood song. Rion did a very good job...of looking like Carrie Underwood. However, the singing, not so much. The song contained the lyrics "Gone gone gone." Which is what Rion will hopefully be come Elimination Night.

#CantCarrieAnything



Jeff: He was given a "Mariah Carey" song to sing. Lucky for Jeff, it was actually Badfinger's "Without You." Once again, he proves that he is the best. he is driving a car while the rest of the singers are still crawling on the ground.

#AirSupplyDidTheBestCover




Ellona: Sang "Applause" by Lady GaGa. I must say, this performance really showed us that Ellona has a good future ahead of her...as a stripper. You know the second best thing about stippers? They don't sing.

#LiveForTheTips


Alex & Sierra: They get some of the strangest song choices. This week was "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child. This was a decent performance, but one can't help but notice that Sierra is on;y in this because she loves Alex so much. (Gag) But the thing is, he needs her, I don't think he'd be that good as a solo artist. Maybe he should trade up.

#LoveWontKeepusTogether



Carlito: This was an absolute mess. His worst performance yet. And that is pretty bad.

#MunudoMierda



UNPLUGGED

This part of the review, I will be joined by my long time friend Gweg.

Restless Road:

Gweg: I have to hand it to them, they sounded a lot better unplugged. They didn't try to be gimmicky as they have been in past performances.

Satyr: I don't care if crap is plugged in or not, it's still crap.

Gweg: You don't think they sounded better?

Satyr: They may have sounded better, but just because I've cleaned out the pool of all the crap but left the piss in there, it still doesn't mean I want to go for a swim.

Gweg: It was there best performance.

Satyr: That's like a retard getting an A on a test.

Gweg: You're an a--hole.


Rion:

Gweg: I have to admire her. She has so much courage to get up there and sing her heart out. If I had that kind of condition, I don't think I could do it.

Satyr: Trust me, you've got plenty of handicaps. What did you think about this performance?

Gweg: She poured her heart out during this performance. She is definitely at her best when she is sitting down.

Satyr: Yeah, she doesn't have to do that stupid leg stomping.

Gweg: She is just trying to compensate for the lack of hand movements.

Satyr: I got a hand movement for her, and it just involves me making a fist, holding it up, and extending my middle finger. Poured her heart out? More like milked her handicap for all that it's worth. All fo those people crying. Gag me with a spoon.

Gweg: How in the hell did you get to be so cynical?

Satyr: By watching too many of these singing competition shows.


Jeff:

Satyr: Well, I like this guy, but I think it's a little too convenient that he got to sing "Daniel" to his brother Daniel.

Gweg: Coincidences happen. And I think it was very nice. Very touching.

Satyr: Well, he was toned down, but it was still a good performance.

Gweg: I agree.

Satyr: That's a first.


Ellona:

Satyr: Come on Gweg, say something nice about this one.

Gweg: She got better at the end there.

Satyr: Yeah, right at the end, when the song was over.

Gweg: She wasn't that bad. She's got some work cut out for her, she just needs better guidance.

Satyr: The only guidance she'll need is how to climb up a pole and bend around it.

Gweg: She's not going to be a stripper. She has got a good camera presence. She could be on Glee.

Satyr: More like the porn parody of Glee. Glee All Over Your Face.

Gweg: I hate you.


Alex & Sierra

Gweg: They sounded great. I love this song. And she did a fine job playing the piano, despite the obvious nerves she had.

Satyr: The way she was shaking there, I thought Michael J Fox might have been her piano instructor.

Gweg: That's not funny. She was very nervous. But, she had her rock. Alex was there to keep her sated.

Satyr: Makes you jealous, doesn't it. You wish you had a girl that depended on you.

Gweg: Maybe I would have a girl, if you'd stop getting them killed.

Satyr: That's irrelevant. But yes, they did sound good.



Carlito:

Gweg: This was a wreck.

Satyr: Yeah, even Paul Walker would be amazed by how much of a wreck this was.

Gweg: If he manages to move on to the next round, I'll but us dinner tomorrow night.

Satyr: Nothing Mexican, that crap is leaving a bad taste in my mouth.