"Divinity of hell! When devils will the blackest sins put on. They do suggest at first with heavenly shows." -Iago
William Shakespeare's Othello
"AMERICA'S CHOICE"
Carlito: In his video package, Carlito gave us some mighty tears
while talking about his troubled childhood. Yes, go after those sympathy
votes now that Rion is gone. He sang Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend." Yeah,
this made me sick. He thinks he's a sex symbol, but the only part of
sex he represents is jerking off.
#WishesHeHadABoyfriend
Restless Road: These 3 are lucky they were put together. Because
none of them could carry a song on their own. And all 3 are generic
sounding. Generic Country Singing Cubed. It's making a sandwich with two
peices of bread, and sticking another piece of bread in the middle. And
that's it.
#AllOverTheRoad
Alex & Sierra: They sang Of Monsters And Men's "Little Talks."
And by gum, this didn't suck like all of the other covers of this song I
have heard. These 2 are lucky they found each other, because unlike
Talentless Road, these 2 gel well together. I wish they would sing
"Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
#PeanutButterAndJelly
Jeff: It has become law that all singing competition shows have at
least one performance of "Hallelujah." It was Jeff's honor (again) this
season. And even though this song makes me roll my eyes like no other,
Jeff manages to knock it out of the park. This guy is the winner folks,
and if he doesn't win, then this show deserves to die.
#HareKrishna
I am now joined by my friend Gweg.
DUETS
Alex & Sierra VS Carlito
Gweg: I don't think this versus round is fair. These guys have totally different styles.
Satyr: It's a competition Gweg. I think this is a good way for us to
hear how bad Carlito and Witless Road do against the only good people
this show had this year.
Gweg: I think Carlito did splendid. He held his own.
Satyr: Held his own genitals. He was bringing Alex and Sierra down.
Alex was trying to make Carlito look good, but Sierra was like , "F this
G" and her vocals straight up raped whatever sound that was coming out
of Carl's mouth.
Gweg: See, it isn't fair.
Restless Road VS Jeff
Satyr: I have to say, this wasn't the disaster I thought it would be.
Gweg: Restless Road did very well harmonizing their parts.
Satyr: Who cares? They sounded like backup singers. This song
belonged to Jeff. Jeff was like the oldest brother bringing a girl over
while his 3 younger brothers tried to get a peek.
Gweg: That's just wrong.
MORE SONGS
Carlito
Satyr: Hashtag: Put Me Out Of My Misery.
Gweg: This was a good song choice for him.
Satyr: Just because he sings a song that was previously done by
Latino singer doesn't mean it was a good song choice for him. And all of
that background nonsense. The dancers hiding in the speakers at the
end, only to see them climb out 30 seconds later. Beyond retarded. But,
when your mentor is mentally challenged...
Gweg: She's not mentally challenged, English is just her second language.
Satyr: That's basically what I said.
Restless Road
Gweg: I must say, they improved greatly this week.
Satyr: That's like saying "Good news, our SUVs keep flipping over on tight turns, but they no longer burst into flames!"
Gweg: Why do you always have to put a negative spin on things?
Satyr: I learned it by watching Restless Road covering songs.
Alex & Sierra
Gweg: This was beautiful
Satyr: Yeah, it was. They've had a few bumps, but I think they've finally found their footing.
Gweg: I would buy their album.
Satyr: We should sing Duets together.
Gweg: we would never find our footing, because you'd keep stepping on my toes.
Satyr: Ouch.
Jeff
Satyr: That set. That background. That song. Amazing performance. If
it wasn't for my rule of not dating people with kids, I think I'd go
gay for Jeff.
Gweg: How many guys is that now?
Satyr: You shut your whore mouth. Speaking of which, so glad Rion isn't on this show anymore.
Gweg: That was uncalled for! She's only 13! I can't believe you.
Satyr: You're right. I'm sorry. She isn't one. Whores can give decent hand jobs.
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