Review for X-Factor 11/20/13

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
Dante, Divine Comedy

British Invasion Night. And is history as taught us anything, America tends to suck when adapting things from the Mother Land.

Jeff: Sang "Bohemian Rhapsody." Despite the fact that Game of Thrones is an American creation and not British, Jeff starting out the performance on The Iron Throne was completely BADASS. This was one of the best performances on X-Factor ever. So, of course, the rest of the show is going to go downhill from here.
#VirtualSatyrSendsHisRegards


Tim: Bob Ross painting a picture of grass growing would be more exciting than anything this kid does. The female judges kept calling him "sexy." Where's Inigo Montoya when you need him?
#ExitSandman


Khaya: Sang The Beatles' "Let It Be." Well, I won't let it be. She sucks. This performance was uninspired crap. Her voice was all over the place. A raft in the Philippines Typhoon had more stability than her voice.
#BeatleRepellant


Josh: Josh came up with this joke: "What's red and bad for your teeth? A Brick."
Here's my joke: "What's black and bad for your ears?" He sang the absolute worst version of "Sweet Dreams" anybody has ever heard. Quit trying to give us another Justin Beiber,
#TheAnswerIsJoshBTW


Alex & Ciera: Sang some stupid One Direction song. (Whom will be on X-Factor tomorrow, just in case you missed it) I didn't like this. The song was stupid and there two are starting to lose their appeal. No more Sonny and Cher. Give us Sid and Nancy. Or Joker and Harley.
#LoveConquersNothing


Rion: Well, she didn't outright suck this week. This was easily her best performance. still mediocre though, so I'll throw some faint praise her way.
#HeyRionCatch


Carlito: Sang The Stone's "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." That is the anthem of anybody that watches this show. Keep working on those dance moves, because that dull voice of your will get you nowhere.
#BeastOfBoredom


Lillie: Sang some song nobody in the world but Kelly has ever heard. The next time Lillie sings, I'm going to use those 90 seconds to watch 18 "5 Second Film" videos.
#TheGeriatricFactor


Ellona: Sang "Burn" by Ellie Goulding. This song went very well with my theme of introducing each review with a quote about Hell. Because the song was called burn, it was a sin for her to cover an Ellie Goulding song, and it was torture to listen to.
#Hellception


RestlessRoad: There is something called an Anechoic Room, a room that is quiet, you can hear your heartbeat. They say nobody can last 45 minutes in it, because they start hallucinating and going insane.

I willing to spend the rest of my life in there if it means never hearing Restless Road ever again.
#CountryEmblem3