Review for American Idol Top 5 4/17/13

I still think a guy might win.

SONGS FROM THE BIRTH YEAR

Candice: Sang "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul. She gave the song this jazzy, lounge singer twist to it. It was horrible. Save the lounge singer cover versions to someone that can pull it off, like Richard Cheese.

Janelle: Sang some Vince Gill song. Her parents said that hearing Vince Gill made her stop crying when she was a baby. If my parents tried that when I was a baby, I would have grabbed the cord from the Venetian Blinds we had on our windows, wrapped it around my neck, and threw myself over the side of the crib. Incidentally, this performance made me want to grab a Venetian blind cord.

Kree: She would be a knockout if she lost some pounds. She should run in a marathon, she'd be guaranteed to lose some weight. Especially in the legs. She sang The Black Crowes' "She Talks To Angels" It sucked.

Angie: I love her. She looked downright gorgeous tonight. However, she sang The Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You." That song should never be touched again after Pia Toscano sang it perfectly on Idol a few years back. Angie did make it sound good though.

Amber: Sang the Mariah Carey version of Harry Nilsson's "Without You." While watching this, the power in my house went of for a few seconds from the storm outside. Not even Mother Nature could stand listening to this crap.

SONGS BY DIVAS

Candice: Sang some song Mariah and Whitney did together. I think it was called, "Let's Do Some Cocaine" or something like that. This performance was the over-the-top Mariah/Whitney wannabe crap we've come to expect from Yahtzee (get it?) here.

Janelle: Sang a Dolly Parton song. Of course. It was called "Dumb Blond." Never has there been a more fitting song.

Kree: She sang a Celine Dion song. And what is the rule for singing a Celine Dion song? DON'T DO IT! It's like watching a 2-bit birthday party magician trying to perform the magic of Houdini. Kree blew it.

Angie: Sang Beyonce's "Halo." Never been a fan of the Beyonce, but Angie made this song sound great. I would do her in so many ways, they'd be able to write a sequel to the Kama Sutra.

Amber: She sang Barbra Steisand's "What Are You Doing With The Rest Of Your Life." Well, one of the answers to that question is: Never listening to Amber after Idol is over.