Review for American Idol 4/10/13

Theme 1: Songs written by a couple of dead guys.

Angie: She sang a song I wasn't familiar with. Nevertheless, She looked and sounded great, but you don't really need me to tell you that. I'd let her pee on me.

Amber: She told some disgusting story about how she likes to eat frozen shrimp. Right now, Burnell has locked himself inside of a storage freezer. I'll give her this, she looked great, but she sounded dull as hell. After the judges gave their useless critiques, Ryan joked about Paul and Devin being gay. Ryan can be really good sometimes.

Lazaro: This performance proved there is no god.

Kree: Anthony Hopkins was in the audience tonight. That made me think of Silence of the Lambs. Kree's performance made me think of Buffalo Bill's pit in SOTL and how I wish Kree were down in it. It puts the lotion on the skin...

Janelle: Sang some crappy song with her crappy country twang. She should thank her lucky stars she is attractive, when she isn't talking or singing that is.

Candice: This performance got a standing O. The O stands for "Overrated."

Theme 2: Songs The Contestants Wished They Had Wrote.

Angie: Again, sang I song I didn't know. Despite the religious tones of the song, she did very well, of course. She sang it with such grace. I would let her tie me up and paddle me.

Amber: Just declared Burnell to be in the friendzone. Poor bastard. This crappy song she sang should have never got in action either.

Lazaro: It's storming out right now. This performance made me want t grab a golf club and go stand out in the middle of the yard. If Porky Pig here does not get eliminated tomorrow, then not only does it prove there is no god, but it also proves there is no justice in this world.

Kree: Adele Wynette here sang another slow song. BORING.

Janelle: Sang a sappy Garth Brooks song. Enough said.

Candice: She sang The Cure's "Love Song." She should have been wearing an apron, cause she butchered it. So many over the top notes and moments, she could have sang any song this way. It was cookie cutter diva singing. Hell, you could hear Satan himself groan at this performance.