X-Factor 11-28-12

A.C. Slater and A Woman that makes people screech are the hosts of the show.

Diamond: Somebody else to a Whitney Houston song. Overdosing on cocaine was great for her career. As far as Diamond goes, this song was the worst thing for her to do. Not even the techno beat could defeat the dull tone in her voice. The EKG reading of a coma patient has a bigger upbeat than her voice.

Vino: I have dismissed talking about Vino since the live shows started, Why? He is terrible. Downright terrible. He doesn't have a terrible voice, it's just that there is nothing about him that says "music performer." Nothing. He's the car mechanic that does great on karaoke night. But, there are times when he just plain sucks. Light tonight. He sang "You've Lost That Loving Feeling." and he killed it. Not in a good way, but in the way that the song was Rasputin and Vino did everything in his power to make sure that it was dead.

Paige: She fucking Rickrolled us. This dumb broad actually sang "Never Gonna Give You Up." R&B style. Just let that sink in. I feel compelled to call child protective services for her kid.

5 Harmonies and a Funeral: They sang Kelly Clarkson's "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger." And that is coming right behind the video package that told us that Baby Harmony's grandpa died. This was hilarious.

Carly: Sang "Rolling In The Deep." Because no one covers Adele enough You'd swear Adele OD'ed on some cocaine, instead of cheeseburgers. Anyways, every single cover of this song sounds the same, Carly was no different. Here is the best cover of that song: http://youtu.be/9KI0SLA0hqM

Tate: There is nothing that differentiates him from other country singers. And they all suck. Next!

CeCe: Those legs. I want them wrapped around me. Once again, she is the top start in this competition. It's a shame jealousy, sabotage, and politics are keeping her down.

Emblem 3: Before their performance, they showed a video package where they staged a bunch of girls chasing after them. Yeah, real convincing stuff. They sang "I'm A Believer." I'm a believer too, I believe that these 3 are the embodiment of everything that is generic about a boy band. Wheat crackers aren't as bland as these douchebags.

The X-Factor 11-21-12

In honor of Thanksgiving, each performance review will have a video depicting the equivalent of something the world might be thankful for.

Tate: Sang "I'm Already There." If "there" is the bottom of the country barrel, then yes Tate, you are already there. This was dreck. http://youtu.be/xcVwLrAavyA

Diamond: Told a touching tale of who gives a crap? Sang a Celine Dion song. And just like most people who sing Celine, she sucked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJjJ5WB3izg

Emblem 3: They gave thanks to the youth leaders who molested them when they were kids. Explains everything. I have a theory that singers who grab their crotch during a performance were sexually abused as children. Thanks for proving me right, guys. BTW, they sucked. http://youtu.be/3zc52Coepgg

Arin: Said there wasn't a "Brother's Day." If there was, I'm sure it would be in February. Once again, he sucked. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12FQ2YmPJnE

CeCe: She told a touching tale about her poor sister who died of cerebral palsy. It was very heartfelt, and it made me feel for CeCe even more. She looked amazing tonight. Sang the classic "Wind Beneath My Wings" and gave a very emotional rendition. It was a very touching tribute to her sister and all of those we may have lost. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYHwStHGRtQ

5th Agony: Thanked God for whatever. Ugh. Nothing is a bigger turn off than religion. Except single mothers. Well, if "god" heard their thanks, he didn't care, cause they sounded like a choir of tortured souls that have been hired to give Satan a boner from hearing all this suffering. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icNTs30ZRvQ

Beatrice: Told some tale about a couple of tards her family adopted. Yay rah. I can see Beatrice having a hit album. If it was marketed as a cure for insomnia. For somebody with such a 'tude, she sure does give the most boring performances. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKlm-kxFzzo

Vino: http://youtu.be/zaCdKwFcHnw

Paige: Another Wah tale of no one gives a damn. Paige should have thanked her fake mother for not teaching her about birth control. Another craptastic performance. She tried to outdo CeCe with "emotion" but it came off as pathetic. Paige needs to go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgcQfIt1kqw

Carly: Sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." I kept waiting for a house to drop on her. This was all over the place. Not even a pair of Ruby Red Slippers could giver a good voice. http://youtu.be/XT7CtF5ljxY

X-Factor 11-14-12

Brittney looks horrible. Can't believe I used to jack off to her.

Be sure to click the links for a special view of tonight's performances.

Jannel: She sang "Rollin' On The River." If she performs this crappy again, she'll be floatin' down the river...face down. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3khJqijDEs

Tate: He may have came in first last week, but this week, he sang like he was a number 2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRMvVXcPe3w

Diamond: They say diamonds last forever. Well, after this terrible performance, I don't see this diamond lasting another week. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-cri43ttTo

Beatrice: I liked this girl, that was until she slept sang her way through the classic Cyndi Lauper song "Time after Time." That AND she wore a hat with that stupid ass YOLO on it. Yes, you only live once, and you yet you waste your time singing like Eeyore on karaoke night. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZZNxJS3mAI

Lyric 145: If real life was like a Disney cartoon and everything talked and sang, excrement would sound exactly like Lyric 145. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F54rqDh2mWA

Arin: Terrible. Should have sang "Like A Virgin" Would have fit him more. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCljZtwtByI

Paige: She should be glad her mother died when she was so young. Paige doesn't have to see that hurt look of disappointment on her mother's face. Paige fails as a singer and a human being. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdTXQNx0e6w

5th Hermione: Sang "Hero" If anything needed rescued, it was this performance. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxqX76OUsrU

Carly: She sang "My Heart Will Go On." One of my favorite songs. She sucked. She does not have the power in her voice to sing this song. But the song is fitting, cause she sank...just like the Titanic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCUTNwu-wbc

Vino: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs3JE4WRL-8

Emblem 3: Somebody call a scientist. We have 3 different proofs that conception can happen from anal sex. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFiEgwLQVJk

CeCe: Despite Demi doing everything in her power to sabotage CeCe, she still shines like the bright star she is. CeCe is gorgeous and talented and deserves a lot more respect than she is getting. http://youtu.be/bucqW0jn56U

X-Factor 11-7-12

Britney is on drugs.

For this week's review, in honor of the Movie Night theme, I've decided to add a clip from a movie that represents each performance.

Arin: He's like the one guy from a boy band that tries to start a solo career and fails miserably. He's seems so out of place by himself on stage. Plus, he sucks.
http://youtu.be/dbrpqWkNqyo


Paige: Ugh. Single mothers. She sang "Take My Breath Away" from the movie "Top Gun." The director of Top Gun recently killed himself. He must have know this performance was coming. http://youtu.be/04TqHE_PDTU

Vino: http://youtu.be/nfV87TgYH78 Nuff Said.

Emblem 3: Utter crap. If someone ever came down with AIDS, Cancer, and Gonorrhea at the same time, the doctor should tell them "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you've come down with a case of Emblem 3." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka-x_1Dqj2g

Beatrice: It was decent. Not her best, but still better than the crap that performed before her. http://youtu.be/-gD05qjgKN4

Jannel: Love it when she sexes it up. HAWT. http://youtu.be/boclz41jjPE

Tate: Sang "Wanted Dead or Alive" I'll make it simpler for you Tate. "Wanted: Dead." http://youtu.be/g2KF7DAlM4E

Lyric 145: I'm Straight Edge, so I had to skip most of this performance. But, I'm pretty sure it was Stupid, cartoony, crappy, and atrocious! http://youtu.be/944cPciN-kw

Diamond: There was a reason she got eliminated last week. She sucks. And lo and behold, she sucked again! http://youtu.be/OaSuSnUJm3E

CeCe: Amazing!!! She made my eye of the tiger rise up. http://youtu.be/EbHth5ErTs8

Carly: Solid performance. Easily the best of the teens. http://youtu.be/vsBKyduk3RE

Jason: Sang, "I Believe I Can Fly" Because that song wasn't gay enough already. Should have been this: http://youtu.be/bc80tFJpTuo

C. U. Next Tuesday! (5th Harmony) Sang some song from Twilight. Automatic Suck! http://youtu.be/InR2RkBjZoo