Friday, August 5, 2016
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
AGT Season 11 Live Shows Week 1
Here is my take on tonight's acts. From BEST to WORST
1: Deadly Games (Danger Act)
I do love acts that keep me on the edge of my seat. And this act did not disappoint. I thought the fire bit was tamer than the blindfolded bit, so they should have performed them the other way around, but it was all entertaining nevertheless.
2:Tape Face (Weirdo)
I know some people won't get his act, but he like Tim Burton meets Emo Philips. He's a creepy guy with odd gags and you don't know what the punchline is going to be.
3: Hara (Illusionist)
Adding magic to the Computerized Background Interaction Act is a welcome change, but doing the same generic magic is tedious. He only made number 3 because every one else was a lot worse.
4: Laura Bretan (Opera Singer)
She's got some pipes, I'll give her that. But there's only so many times where I will allow myself to be wowed by opera singers. And with AGT, we see the full effect of diminishing returns.
5: Jayna Brown (Singer)
Like Laura, she's got a nice voice, but singers on AGT hardly ever bring anything new to the singing pool.
6: John Dorenbos (Magician)
We've seen this before. Magic Person has judges write or draw something. Backstage, somebody sees what they did and copies it. Then, they act as a stagehand to give the Magic Person a prop. Said prop has the prestige in it. He did try to pretty it up with the guessing of who drew what, but that was cold reading at its most obvious.
7: Sila Sveta (Computerized Background Interaction Act)
Okay, doing it in a cube was a step in the right direction, but it was still boring as hell.
8: Daniel Joyner (Singer)
Wrong song choice. I mean really, some church boy is going to sing Queen? That's like getting a 52 year old strict math teacher to play Grand Theft Auto. They don't mesh at all.
9: Lauri Mae Hernandez (Comedian)
She's a tween and she doesn't like Trump. That has been the entire premise of her act. A vacuum has more substance than her act.
10: Musicality (Choir)
Oooh boy, where they off tonight. Not a one of them sounded in key. But: A group of inner city kids band together under the guidance of a caring teacher to learn how to silence violence with music. And one of them has a sister that just got killed. I smell movie! Starring Adam Sandler in an Oscar worthy turn as the teacher.
11: Outlawz (Dancers)
As soon as they came out in their Ghostbusters2016 inspired outfits, I knew this was going to suck. And suck it did! Let's just go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room: the fat one in the group. Look at how he tried to do that forward leaning move. He is definitely holding back any potential they might have, and they don't have very much to begin with.
12: Dorothy Williams (Dancer)
There is only chaos and madness in this world. We have learned to cope, by trying to find meaning and purpose. These are things we need to keep ourselves sane. Because once you start thinking about the true meaning to all this, you may start to go mad. And the true meaning is: there is no true meaning. Randomness is our master. Chaos is our one true god. But we have to find patterns in the discord to let us think we have some control. Even if the patterns aren't really there. But sometimes, sometimes, we see something or experience something that makes us lose our grip on our delicate "reality." Something that reminds us we are not in control. We are victims to the chaos. We are powerless.
And one of those things is Dorothy Williams dancing.
1: Deadly Games (Danger Act)
I do love acts that keep me on the edge of my seat. And this act did not disappoint. I thought the fire bit was tamer than the blindfolded bit, so they should have performed them the other way around, but it was all entertaining nevertheless.
2:Tape Face (Weirdo)
I know some people won't get his act, but he like Tim Burton meets Emo Philips. He's a creepy guy with odd gags and you don't know what the punchline is going to be.
3: Hara (Illusionist)
Adding magic to the Computerized Background Interaction Act is a welcome change, but doing the same generic magic is tedious. He only made number 3 because every one else was a lot worse.
4: Laura Bretan (Opera Singer)
She's got some pipes, I'll give her that. But there's only so many times where I will allow myself to be wowed by opera singers. And with AGT, we see the full effect of diminishing returns.
5: Jayna Brown (Singer)
Like Laura, she's got a nice voice, but singers on AGT hardly ever bring anything new to the singing pool.
6: John Dorenbos (Magician)
We've seen this before. Magic Person has judges write or draw something. Backstage, somebody sees what they did and copies it. Then, they act as a stagehand to give the Magic Person a prop. Said prop has the prestige in it. He did try to pretty it up with the guessing of who drew what, but that was cold reading at its most obvious.
7: Sila Sveta (Computerized Background Interaction Act)
Okay, doing it in a cube was a step in the right direction, but it was still boring as hell.
8: Daniel Joyner (Singer)
Wrong song choice. I mean really, some church boy is going to sing Queen? That's like getting a 52 year old strict math teacher to play Grand Theft Auto. They don't mesh at all.
9: Lauri Mae Hernandez (Comedian)
She's a tween and she doesn't like Trump. That has been the entire premise of her act. A vacuum has more substance than her act.
10: Musicality (Choir)
Oooh boy, where they off tonight. Not a one of them sounded in key. But: A group of inner city kids band together under the guidance of a caring teacher to learn how to silence violence with music. And one of them has a sister that just got killed. I smell movie! Starring Adam Sandler in an Oscar worthy turn as the teacher.
11: Outlawz (Dancers)
As soon as they came out in their Ghostbusters2016 inspired outfits, I knew this was going to suck. And suck it did! Let's just go ahead and talk about the elephant in the room: the fat one in the group. Look at how he tried to do that forward leaning move. He is definitely holding back any potential they might have, and they don't have very much to begin with.
12: Dorothy Williams (Dancer)
There is only chaos and madness in this world. We have learned to cope, by trying to find meaning and purpose. These are things we need to keep ourselves sane. Because once you start thinking about the true meaning to all this, you may start to go mad. And the true meaning is: there is no true meaning. Randomness is our master. Chaos is our one true god. But we have to find patterns in the discord to let us think we have some control. Even if the patterns aren't really there. But sometimes, sometimes, we see something or experience something that makes us lose our grip on our delicate "reality." Something that reminds us we are not in control. We are victims to the chaos. We are powerless.
And one of those things is Dorothy Williams dancing.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
I'm Done With American Idol.
I arrived home at 8 today. A package from Amazon was waiting for me. It
was my new batch of Funko Pops. I got Slimer and two versions of the
Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
I put them on my shelves and then turned on my TV and PS4.
I went to Hulu and watched this week's episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Arrow.
After that, I let out a heavy sigh. Time to watch Idol.
I switched over from my PS4 to my DVR. I went to the recordings, found Idol, and pressed play on the options.
I got my notebook and pen from my desk and sat back down.
I watched as they did their hometown visits. I rolled my eyes as every hometown visit since the beginning has been the same.
They are amazed that they are in a limo. They are shocked to see all the people. They get to meet up with people who helped them along the way. They go back to their school and a teacher says they always knew the contestant would make it big. They go back home. At one point they cry. The towns people say how much they love them. They perform a concert.
I watched them sing their hometown dedication songs. I made my notes and wrote my jokes.
I crossed my fingers hoping La'Porsha would be eliminated, but alas, it was Mac.
Then, Scott's picks came on.
And Dalton sang "Dancing In The Dark" by Bruce Springsteen.
The world in front of me turned red. The noise coming from my TV transformed from a terrible screeching rendition of one of The Boss' songs in a high pitched squeal.
I stood up and a yell came out of my mouth. I couldn't hear it, but it caused my cat to jump up and run from the room.
I felt my hand clench into a fist. I jumped toward my TV. My fist made its way towards the TV but I stopped myself. I grabbed both sides of the TV and yelled, "You stupid bi-polar little shit! You have done nothing to deserve this song! And you ruined it! YOU RUINED IT YOU GODDAMN PRETTY BOY FAIRY JOFFREY LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"
I grabbed my controller and deleted this abomination of a show off my DVR and out of my life forever.
I'm so glad this is the final season.
I put them on my shelves and then turned on my TV and PS4.
I went to Hulu and watched this week's episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Arrow.
After that, I let out a heavy sigh. Time to watch Idol.
I switched over from my PS4 to my DVR. I went to the recordings, found Idol, and pressed play on the options.
I got my notebook and pen from my desk and sat back down.
I watched as they did their hometown visits. I rolled my eyes as every hometown visit since the beginning has been the same.
They are amazed that they are in a limo. They are shocked to see all the people. They get to meet up with people who helped them along the way. They go back to their school and a teacher says they always knew the contestant would make it big. They go back home. At one point they cry. The towns people say how much they love them. They perform a concert.
I watched them sing their hometown dedication songs. I made my notes and wrote my jokes.
I crossed my fingers hoping La'Porsha would be eliminated, but alas, it was Mac.
Then, Scott's picks came on.
And Dalton sang "Dancing In The Dark" by Bruce Springsteen.
The world in front of me turned red. The noise coming from my TV transformed from a terrible screeching rendition of one of The Boss' songs in a high pitched squeal.
I stood up and a yell came out of my mouth. I couldn't hear it, but it caused my cat to jump up and run from the room.
I felt my hand clench into a fist. I jumped toward my TV. My fist made its way towards the TV but I stopped myself. I grabbed both sides of the TV and yelled, "You stupid bi-polar little shit! You have done nothing to deserve this song! And you ruined it! YOU RUINED IT YOU GODDAMN PRETTY BOY FAIRY JOFFREY LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER!!!!"
I grabbed my controller and deleted this abomination of a show off my DVR and out of my life forever.
I'm so glad this is the final season.
Thursday, March 17, 2016
American Idol Final Season Top 5
Yeah, I skipped my review last week. It was a night full of terrible performances and I didn't want to relive it.
So, let's get this out of the way so we can prepare for Daredevil Season 2.
Adam started the show singing his cover of Gary Jules' cover of Tear For Fears' "Mad World."
Trent: Sang "Counting Stars" by One Republic. For some odd reason, Trent decided to imitate the guy who sings "Cotton Eye Joe." And given the footage we were shown from his hometown, sing like Rednex isn't too much of a stretch for him.
#SuchACountry
Dalton: Sang "Numb" by Linkin Park. U2 also has a song called Numb that is vastly superior. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lbiS1fris Speaking of numb, that describes this performance perfectly. No energy, no heart, no feeling at all.
#Dumb
LaPorshia: Sang "Ready For Love" by India Arie. She came out looking like some African Queen from an 80's movie. Ridiculous outfit, but a lot better than that eye gouge inducing outfit from last week. This was a boring performance.
#QueenOfTheMushroomKingdom
They did something with somebody from Empire. This is one of the reasons I don't watch the show live.
MacKenzie: Sang "Wild World" by Cat Stevens. Another boring performance. They all must have taken valium before the show started. Or the producers made them watch Empire.
#MildWorld
Sonika: Sang "Let It Go." She looked good, I'll giver her that. This performance though, let's just say my ears were jealous of my eyes.
#LetHerBlow
And we say goodbye to Tristan. I hope I get to say Hi to her 3 years from now.
Round 2.
Dalton: He sang "The Sound Of Silence." And boy, do I wish this performance was the sound of silence, because what I heard was I heard was a kitten trying to roar like a lion. Dalton needs to learn that just because he's good on a bicycle, it doesn't mean he'll be great on a Harley Davidson.
#BiManAndGarbage
Adam came out and sang his new song with somebody named Laleh. Adam, word pf advice, just stick to singing the songs P!nk left in her rejection pile.
MacKenzie: Sang "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. Scotty did a great cover of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_6XcvppP9o This performance though, was pure unadulterated crap. It was like handing a retard a ball of play-doh and telling him to sculpt a miniature Mount Rushmore.
#LosucktusOfBourg
Trent: Sang "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynryd. Yep, simple man.
#SingBlade
Sonika: Sang "Clarity" by Zedd. She did a good job of not getting flustered when she sang the wrong lyrics. Again, this group proves that they would be better singing songs from kids shows. Note to LaPorsha: That's a body suitable for that kind of outfit.
#YourSaveWasCharity
LaPorsha: Her intro video informed us that she was with a guy who didn't like her voice or her hair. Hell, that could be anybody. She also said he was abusive and made her feel less than human. So she did the logical thing and stayed with him and decided to have his kid. She sang "No More Drama" by Mary J Blige. She sounded horrible and did her usual vocals. Then she completely ignored the title of the song and started crying after she was done. Because if there is one thing American Idol loves more than over-the-top singers, it's over-the-top singers who have emotional breakdowns after performances. Come on, we need to trend on Twitter and Facebook!
#DramaMamaSamba
So, let's get this out of the way so we can prepare for Daredevil Season 2.
Adam started the show singing his cover of Gary Jules' cover of Tear For Fears' "Mad World."
Trent: Sang "Counting Stars" by One Republic. For some odd reason, Trent decided to imitate the guy who sings "Cotton Eye Joe." And given the footage we were shown from his hometown, sing like Rednex isn't too much of a stretch for him.
#SuchACountry
Dalton: Sang "Numb" by Linkin Park. U2 also has a song called Numb that is vastly superior. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lbiS1fris Speaking of numb, that describes this performance perfectly. No energy, no heart, no feeling at all.
#Dumb
LaPorshia: Sang "Ready For Love" by India Arie. She came out looking like some African Queen from an 80's movie. Ridiculous outfit, but a lot better than that eye gouge inducing outfit from last week. This was a boring performance.
#QueenOfTheMushroomKingdom
They did something with somebody from Empire. This is one of the reasons I don't watch the show live.
MacKenzie: Sang "Wild World" by Cat Stevens. Another boring performance. They all must have taken valium before the show started. Or the producers made them watch Empire.
#MildWorld
Sonika: Sang "Let It Go." She looked good, I'll giver her that. This performance though, let's just say my ears were jealous of my eyes.
#LetHerBlow
And we say goodbye to Tristan. I hope I get to say Hi to her 3 years from now.
Round 2.
Dalton: He sang "The Sound Of Silence." And boy, do I wish this performance was the sound of silence, because what I heard was I heard was a kitten trying to roar like a lion. Dalton needs to learn that just because he's good on a bicycle, it doesn't mean he'll be great on a Harley Davidson.
#BiManAndGarbage
Adam came out and sang his new song with somebody named Laleh. Adam, word pf advice, just stick to singing the songs P!nk left in her rejection pile.
MacKenzie: Sang "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. Scotty did a great cover of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_6XcvppP9o This performance though, was pure unadulterated crap. It was like handing a retard a ball of play-doh and telling him to sculpt a miniature Mount Rushmore.
#LosucktusOfBourg
Trent: Sang "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynryd. Yep, simple man.
#SingBlade
Sonika: Sang "Clarity" by Zedd. She did a good job of not getting flustered when she sang the wrong lyrics. Again, this group proves that they would be better singing songs from kids shows. Note to LaPorsha: That's a body suitable for that kind of outfit.
#YourSaveWasCharity
LaPorsha: Her intro video informed us that she was with a guy who didn't like her voice or her hair. Hell, that could be anybody. She also said he was abusive and made her feel less than human. So she did the logical thing and stayed with him and decided to have his kid. She sang "No More Drama" by Mary J Blige. She sounded horrible and did her usual vocals. Then she completely ignored the title of the song and started crying after she was done. Because if there is one thing American Idol loves more than over-the-top singers, it's over-the-top singers who have emotional breakdowns after performances. Come on, we need to trend on Twitter and Facebook!
#DramaMamaSamba
Thursday, March 3, 2016
American Idol Final Season Top 8
This is the way Idol ends.
This is the way Idol ends.
This is the way Idol ends.
Not with a bang,
but a "Thank god that's over!"
-V. S. Eliot
The Top 10 get to perform again, with the bottom 3 singing for a Judge's save.
Because they always choose so well under pressure.
(See the past two season on why that's a huge lie)
Here are the seven that made it through.
Dalton: He sang "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. I was imagining dragons all right. Imaging one came down and set that whole place on fire. Dalton took a pretty damn good song that's easy to rock to, and he made it sound boring as hell.
#Dullton
Lee: Sang "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. It was an ironic song choice, considering Lee was pouting about being compared to MacKenzie and the most prominent lyrics of that song is "Someone like you." Anyways, this was crap. Hopefully next week lil Lee Jean is going to be
#LeeGone
Keeping up with the celebration of Idol's last season, they brought out former X-Factor judge Demi Lovato to do a couple of pre-recorded performances. First one was utter crap that featured this season's contestants sign with her. The second one was called "Stone Cold" and it wasn't about Steve Austin at all. Also, Demi looked like she was trying to duplicate Kelly's performance from last week, but nobody was buying it.
Lovato 316 says "I just sang like crap!"
After this, the trailer for the new Ghostbuters aired.
I'm so glad for DVR, as I was able to pause Idol while I hooked up my backup TV, since I had just broken the main one after hitting it with a baseball bat.
Sonika: Sang "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly something or other. Sonika claims she's never had a boyfriend. Well, Sonika, if you are reading this, it will interest you to know that I make a great starter boyfriend.
I'm 15 years older than you, so you're parents will hate me.
I'm self centered and a borderline sociopath.
Even though I think you are quite hot, I will only give you back handed compliments like "You look great today! That's new."
I will check out and flirt with other women furthering your self confidence to hit an all time low.
I will do whatever it takes not to knock you up as I hate children.
Despite being a total jerk most of the time, you will continue to think about me after I break up with you and will be the measuring stick for your next several boyfriends, one of whom you will cheat on with me.
But I digress, this performance sucked.
#GettingVaidTonight
MacKenzie: Sang "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. That Ghostbuster trailer showed us what happens with you take a classic thing, switch genders, and completely ignore what made it great to begin with. You ruin it. MacKenzie learned that lesson tonight the hard way.
#BourgBusters
La'Porsha: She got wide eyed when she learned that the makeup people were going to be messing around with her ridiculous wig, which she named Kokomo for some mad reason. She sang "Halo" by Beyonce. And she confirmed that every song she sings is going to sound exactly the same.
#KokomoFauxFro
Harry performed a song and it made me question exactly what his credentials are for being a judge of quality singing.
Trent: He talked about how he and Scott worked on his facials. Then he mentioned "the money shot." And now we have another ironic song choice as he sang "When a Man Loves A Woman." More like "When a man bores an audience." This was crap.
#IsThatHairGel
Tristian: Sang some song about a mountain. This turned out to be the performance of the night. She displayed the right emotion, didn't go too over the top, and sounded pretty damn decent. And it wasn't boring or an audio clone of an earlier performance.
#MountainAmongMolehills
And our saved contestant is
Avalon: She sang "Earned It" by The Weekend. She may have got the saved, but she only earned it cause the other two sucked worse than she did.
#FiftyShadesOfSuck
And goodbye to Olivia and Gianna hope you guys have the best of luck on The Voice next year.
This is the way Idol ends.
This is the way Idol ends.
Not with a bang,
but a "Thank god that's over!"
-V. S. Eliot
The Top 10 get to perform again, with the bottom 3 singing for a Judge's save.
Because they always choose so well under pressure.
(See the past two season on why that's a huge lie)
Here are the seven that made it through.
Dalton: He sang "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons. I was imagining dragons all right. Imaging one came down and set that whole place on fire. Dalton took a pretty damn good song that's easy to rock to, and he made it sound boring as hell.
#Dullton
Lee: Sang "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon. It was an ironic song choice, considering Lee was pouting about being compared to MacKenzie and the most prominent lyrics of that song is "Someone like you." Anyways, this was crap. Hopefully next week lil Lee Jean is going to be
#LeeGone
Keeping up with the celebration of Idol's last season, they brought out former X-Factor judge Demi Lovato to do a couple of pre-recorded performances. First one was utter crap that featured this season's contestants sign with her. The second one was called "Stone Cold" and it wasn't about Steve Austin at all. Also, Demi looked like she was trying to duplicate Kelly's performance from last week, but nobody was buying it.
Lovato 316 says "I just sang like crap!"
After this, the trailer for the new Ghostbuters aired.
I'm so glad for DVR, as I was able to pause Idol while I hooked up my backup TV, since I had just broken the main one after hitting it with a baseball bat.
Sonika: Sang "Since You've Been Gone" by Kelly something or other. Sonika claims she's never had a boyfriend. Well, Sonika, if you are reading this, it will interest you to know that I make a great starter boyfriend.
I'm 15 years older than you, so you're parents will hate me.
I'm self centered and a borderline sociopath.
Even though I think you are quite hot, I will only give you back handed compliments like "You look great today! That's new."
I will check out and flirt with other women furthering your self confidence to hit an all time low.
I will do whatever it takes not to knock you up as I hate children.
Despite being a total jerk most of the time, you will continue to think about me after I break up with you and will be the measuring stick for your next several boyfriends, one of whom you will cheat on with me.
But I digress, this performance sucked.
#GettingVaidTonight
MacKenzie: Sang "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston. That Ghostbuster trailer showed us what happens with you take a classic thing, switch genders, and completely ignore what made it great to begin with. You ruin it. MacKenzie learned that lesson tonight the hard way.
#BourgBusters
La'Porsha: She got wide eyed when she learned that the makeup people were going to be messing around with her ridiculous wig, which she named Kokomo for some mad reason. She sang "Halo" by Beyonce. And she confirmed that every song she sings is going to sound exactly the same.
#KokomoFauxFro
Harry performed a song and it made me question exactly what his credentials are for being a judge of quality singing.
Trent: He talked about how he and Scott worked on his facials. Then he mentioned "the money shot." And now we have another ironic song choice as he sang "When a Man Loves A Woman." More like "When a man bores an audience." This was crap.
#IsThatHairGel
Tristian: Sang some song about a mountain. This turned out to be the performance of the night. She displayed the right emotion, didn't go too over the top, and sounded pretty damn decent. And it wasn't boring or an audio clone of an earlier performance.
#MountainAmongMolehills
And our saved contestant is
Avalon: She sang "Earned It" by The Weekend. She may have got the saved, but she only earned it cause the other two sucked worse than she did.
#FiftyShadesOfSuck
And goodbye to Olivia and Gianna hope you guys have the best of luck on The Voice next year.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
American Idol Final Season Top 10
Tonight. we got to say goodbye to Manny, Jeneve, Jenn, and Thomas.
Forever.
Adele came out to to guess judge.
Oh wait, that's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
Olivia: She sang "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry. It's a crap song, but Olivia actually made it sound pretty good. That's real talent.
#OliviaRocks
Gianna: She sang "Listen" by Beyonce. I listened to this bad performance for several seconds, then remembered there was a mute button on my TV controller.
#ClosedCaptionedForTheSingingImpaired
Lee: He reminded us all of the paragon of virtue, Chris "Mad Dog" Medina. You know, the dude who wheeled his brain damaged fiance out for sympathy votes. But who can blame him? She wasn't doing much else. Lee sang "Skinny Love." Never heard of this song before and after this performance, I never want to hear it again. This was terrible. And Mad Dog was in the audience too, but thankfully he wasn't mic'd.
#NoLoveForKelly
Avalon: Sang "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes. This was pure amateur hour. Chris Medina's fiance could have sang better than this.
#StitchHerMouthShut
Dalton: Sang "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's. I truly hate this song with a passion. If it starts playing on the radio in my car, I will switch the station with such a fury that they would need to write a whole chapter about it in the book about road rage. So, even though he didn't sound as bad as the Plain *beep* T's, he still didn't do himself any favors with this song.
#Crapatonni
There was segment where they cut to Kelly talking about the song she was going to sing tonight. However, my attention was fully on the little blonde girl in the background who appeared to be eating the hair of the girl in front of her.
Tristan: Sang some weird song. The whole arrangement of it was just off putting and eclectic. She's got a good voice, but this song was not the right showcase for it.
#BarryMardonesHadTheRightIdea
MacKenzie: Sang an Ed Sheeran song because it's a requirement at this point. He brought nothing new to the table. Sounded like any other male contestant singing an Ed Sheeran song.
#TheBourgRedundancy
La'Porsha: She sang "Diamonds" by Rihanna. This was the typical performance and vocal gymnastics you'd expect from a woman like her. They are a dime a dozen. Nothing special at all and completely overrated.
#LaBortion
Sonika:Sang "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence. Not only was this her best performance, but it was the performance of the night. I loved this.
#WokeMeUpInside
Trent: Sang "Like I Can" by Sam Smith (of course). He sounds like Charlie Kelly when he sings. Nuff said.
#TheNightmanCometh
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man came out to sing.
Hold on, I'm told it's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
It was some song she wrote while she was cooking up kid number one. Something about a deadbeat dad or something like that. It made Keith cry like a little bitch
Forever.
Adele came out to to guess judge.
Oh wait, that's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
Olivia: She sang "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry. It's a crap song, but Olivia actually made it sound pretty good. That's real talent.
#OliviaRocks
Gianna: She sang "Listen" by Beyonce. I listened to this bad performance for several seconds, then remembered there was a mute button on my TV controller.
#ClosedCaptionedForTheSingingImpaired
Lee: He reminded us all of the paragon of virtue, Chris "Mad Dog" Medina. You know, the dude who wheeled his brain damaged fiance out for sympathy votes. But who can blame him? She wasn't doing much else. Lee sang "Skinny Love." Never heard of this song before and after this performance, I never want to hear it again. This was terrible. And Mad Dog was in the audience too, but thankfully he wasn't mic'd.
#NoLoveForKelly
Avalon: Sang "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes. This was pure amateur hour. Chris Medina's fiance could have sang better than this.
#StitchHerMouthShut
Dalton: Sang "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's. I truly hate this song with a passion. If it starts playing on the radio in my car, I will switch the station with such a fury that they would need to write a whole chapter about it in the book about road rage. So, even though he didn't sound as bad as the Plain *beep* T's, he still didn't do himself any favors with this song.
#Crapatonni
There was segment where they cut to Kelly talking about the song she was going to sing tonight. However, my attention was fully on the little blonde girl in the background who appeared to be eating the hair of the girl in front of her.
Tristan: Sang some weird song. The whole arrangement of it was just off putting and eclectic. She's got a good voice, but this song was not the right showcase for it.
#BarryMardonesHadTheRightIdea
MacKenzie: Sang an Ed Sheeran song because it's a requirement at this point. He brought nothing new to the table. Sounded like any other male contestant singing an Ed Sheeran song.
#TheBourgRedundancy
La'Porsha: She sang "Diamonds" by Rihanna. This was the typical performance and vocal gymnastics you'd expect from a woman like her. They are a dime a dozen. Nothing special at all and completely overrated.
#LaBortion
Sonika:Sang "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence. Not only was this her best performance, but it was the performance of the night. I loved this.
#WokeMeUpInside
Trent: Sang "Like I Can" by Sam Smith (of course). He sounds like Charlie Kelly when he sings. Nuff said.
#TheNightmanCometh
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man came out to sing.
Hold on, I'm told it's Kelly Clarkson. That makes more sense.
It was some song she wrote while she was cooking up kid number one. Something about a deadbeat dad or something like that. It made Keith cry like a little bitch
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