ROUND 1
Jax: I don't know what song she sang and I don't care. THOSE LEGS!!!!!! 😗😜😁 That's the only thing that mattered in this performance.
#LEGS
Nick: Sang "Harder To Breathe" by Maroon 5. Having watched Daredevil on Netflix, I found myself wondering what my life would be like if I had the same condition as Matt Murdock.
I wondered if music would sound different too. If I would be able to hear it on a whole other level. And if I were able to hear every beautiful note amplified by a million, then I ould also hear every flaw the same way. And if I were to listen to this performance like that, I would have purposely taken away my hearing too
#TheManWithoutEars
Clark: Sang "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song made me reminisce about yesterday. Because I wasn't listening to Clark that day. Ah, good memories.
#ClarkTodayGonetomorrow
Tyanna: Sang "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus. I don't care what kind of party it is or where it's located, if Tyanna started singing there, the mood would go from a Bachelor Party to a Donner Party within seconds.
#BuzzKillington
Rayvon: Sang "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith. So, the cockroach decided to sing the only Sam Smith song I like. And he treated this song like the pestering insect he is. He crushed it underneath his foot. This sucked. Hopefully this bug that refuses to die gets squashed himself next week.
#RaidOn
Round 2
Nick: Sang "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart. Listening to Nick sing this song was like watching a kid with cystic fibrosis run a triathlon. He was way out of his element. Sucked.
#ReadySetBlow
Tyanna: Sang "Heaven" by Bryan Adams. I don't believe in Heaven, but if there is one, and some angels up there saw this performance, I have no doubt they strangled themselves with their own halos. This was hell.
#PainInParadise
Clark: Sang "Boyfriend" by Justin Beiber. Boring Beckham belts bland Beiber boyfriend ballad badly.
#Blah
Jax: Sang "White Flag" by Dido. Jax, this is a white flag being waved for you, it's a checkered one. Because you are the obvious winner this season. Talent, looks, personality. You are ready to cross the finish line while the others are dozens of laps behind you.
#LeaderOfTheTrax
Rayvon: Sang "Go Your Own Way" by Fleetwood Mac. Yes, Ray, go your own way. We'll be headed in the other direction.
#BlowYourOwnGay
And goodbye to Mr. Crybaby Quentin. There, now you can go see your best friend Joey. And while you're at it, think about the mistake you made this season. Trying to sing a Florence + The Machine song. You don't even have a iota of the talent Florence Welch has, so what makes you think you are worthy enough to have her songs exit your mouth?
That is what is truly whack.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
American idol Season 14 Top 7
Billboard Top Hits Night or AKA Songs You're Probably Sick Of Hearing.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Jax: Sang "Poker Face" by Lady GaGa. She was looking great tonight. She gave the song a new twist that made it sound unique and awesome. This was a triumph.
#PokeHerFace
Nick: Sang "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry. Ugh. One pf Katy's worse songs made even more terrible. He made it sound like some stupid One Direction song. Sucked.
#TeenageWasteland
Quentin: Sang "Latch" by Sam Smith. This was a ho hum performance by Quentin. Sounded okay, but did nothing to stand out. Hit outfit was pretty cool though.
#PassionForFassion
Joey: Sang "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus. She came in like a bowling ball and didn't manage to hit a single gawd damn pin. Her voice was grating. She is to Sia what Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper.
#GutterBall
Clark: Sang "Make It Rain" by Ed Sheeran. The mentors told him to sing this song like he was preaching. I'm an atheist and if I were to come across Clark preaching in the street, and the sky opened up and Jesus were to come down followed by a dozen angels and they all shined a light down on me, I still wouldn't believe in God. His talent lacks that much of a conviction. In fact, he is so boring to listen to, if the Earth were to get flooded and there was only one ship left floating and Clark was the on board entertainment, I would throw myself off.
#NoahsClark
Tyanna: Sang "Stay" by Rhianna. The lyrics ask me to stay, but this performance was making me want to go. Terrible.
#SoLongFarewellAufWeidersehenGoodbye
Rayvon: Sang "Set Fire To The Rain" by Adele. I long for the days when Adele is just a distant memory. Anyways, this performance made me want to buy some gasoline, douse myself with it, and light a match. Dreadful.
#BlisteringSatyr
And we say goodbye to the biggest waste of a Save ever on Idol, Qaasim. If I never see your ugly snarling face on my TV ever again, it will be too soon.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
American Idol Season 14 Top 8
Kelly Clarkson Night.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
Nick: Sang "Catch My Breath." I had to catch my breath, because this was very good. He slowed it down a bit and gave it a Train-esque feel to it. Rock solid performance.
#BreathOfFreshAir
Jax: Sang "Beautiful Disaster." The song title is only half right. Nothing about this was beautiful, but it was a complete disaster. I expected a lot better from her and she disappointed me this week.
#Sux
Tyanna: Sang "Mr. Know It All." She explained that she chose this song cause it tells the story of her being bullied. The anger and pain that she had endured and overcame was expressed perfectly in this great performance. It was top notch.
#RiseAboveTheHate
Joey: Sang "Miss Independent." This was the perfect song choice for her. It showcased what she has been trying to sell us all along. And I am finally sold. I love her quirkiness and independence.
#IndependenceDay
Quentin: Sang "Dark Side." Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering, and boy, did I suffer through this. It was bad.
#SomethingSomethingDarkSide
Qaasim: Sang "Stonger" He stripped the song down and sounded like the good singer we all knew him to be. Tonight, he proved that he was worth the save.
#SecondChanceChampion
Clark: Sang "The Trouble With Love Is." I finally get the hype. He knocked this one out of the park. I actually felt myself swaying to his voice. This was perfect. Performance Of The Season.
#AnythingButTrouble
Rayvon: Sang "Since U Been Gone." He did a super slow version that really showcased his vulnerability. This was beautiful.
#HeWontBeGone.
And we say goodbye to Daniel tonight. In a few years, he will have the experience he needs to be a great singer. I can't wait to hear it.
One last note about this review.
#APRILFOOLS
Truth: They all sucked tonight except Jax, who looked drop dead gorgeous, and Quentin, who did pretty great. Clark is still boring as hell.
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