We opened Season 14 with the Top 24 dinging. We only saw them in shadows, but we got to hear them. And by "them," I mean the studio filtered rendition of them singing.
We kick the auditions off in Nashville, so expect a lot of country hicks.
Riley: First up was some country pretty boy with long blond hair that was probably really popular in the boy's locker room shower at school. Few years back, he got to play his guitar on stage with Keith Urban. The producers told Keith so he could "remember" him. He sang like a typical generic country pretty boy. He got through.
Priscilla: She was quite the hottie with a cute Southern accent. She sang incredibly well. J-Lo disliked her immediately. She got through.
Cameron: He was decent enough. Nothing that really stood out though. He got through.
Next we had our Montage of Idiots.
Amber: We got our first sob story of the season. Thankfully it wasn't anything too dramatic, just your typical poor girl living in a poor neighborhood with only music there as her safety net. She sang horribly. Yelling with a gravely voice. It was terrible. She got through.
Kyle: This guy looked like Carrot Top's meth addicted younger brother. He sucked. He didn't get through.
Next we had our Montage of Losers. I would love you use their shattered dreams and devastated tears as toppings on a pizza.
Kory: This guy was gawd awful. I'd rather draw pictures of Muhammad for a French satire magazine than to listen to this guy again. But alas, he got through.
Michael: He sounded okay. He got through. He then got J-Lo to slow dance with him while Keith played guitar and Harry played piano. This was about as impromptu as a Social Justice Warrior being offended by a video game.
Emily: She looks like a young country version of Avril Lavigne. However, she sounded pretty damn good. She got through.
And there you have it, Season 14, Episode 1.
The Beginning of the End.
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