Review for America's Got Talent 7-30-13

Live Shows Round 2. XXXX=Super Sucked XXX=Really Bad XX=OK X=Really Good +=Excellent

Innovative Force (dancers) They had some good moves here and there, but nothing that really kept me entertained. Unless I was PedoBear. XX

Ciana Pelenki (singer) She sang the Pussy Whipped Anthem aka "Next to Me". I hate that song. This girl is from Hawaii. They filmed LOST in Hawaii. In that show, there were no such things as coincidences. So, it's no coincidence that this girl should go home and get lost. XXX

Alexandr Magala (sword swallower) Here we go. Edge on my seat danger. I was really entertained by this. Only thing that keeps it from a perfect score was the fact that there was no blood. X

Struck Boyz (dancers) Why couldn't these kids have been students at Sandy Hook? I hate these little bastards. It's like they were grown on a douchebag farm. Well, I guess that's what New Jersey is. XXXX

Brad Byers (danger act) This was boring. I've seen to many shows explaining the physics of the bed of nails to be impressed by anyone that implements it in their act. Have him drive over you while laying in broken glass, then we might have a show. XXX

Kid the Wiz (dancer) More like Kid the Whiz cause he took a piss all over that stage with some of the most tepid dancing I have ever seen. Yay, he can flip his hat around. No one cares. XXX

Forte (opera group) This kind of singing isn't my forte, but, I will not deny they had a good sound to them. XX

Angela Hoover (impressionist) It's fitting her name is Hoover, cause damn did she suck. the impressions were ok, but nothing about them were funny. XXX

Dave Shirley (no effing clue) This was beyond stupid. I've had watches from Happy Meals that had better timing this guy. XXXX

Marty "Dave" Brown (singer) Dave Shirley and Angela Hoover should take notes, this is how you do a comedy act! But, unlike those two, this wasn't supposed to be funny. XXX

Aquanuts (swimmers) I love a hot wet chick as much as the next person, but this was just dull. Now, since their goal is to be in Vegas, maybe they should do this act topless. Now that would be entertaining. XX

Tone the Dumbass (rapper) The less said about this crap the better. XXXXXXX

Review for America's Got Talent 7/23/13

After each performance, I will give a rating. XXXX=Super Sucked. XXX=Pretty Bad. XX=OK. X=Pretty Good. +=Excellent

Anna Christine (singer) This "11 year old" girl reminds me of the movie Orphan http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1148204/ She sang the absolute worst version of "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood", a song made famous by The Animals. I understood perfectly. I understood that it sucked.
XXX

Tellavision (dancers) I hate watching people dance. Unless there is some gimmick involved or they are doing some amazing moves. These dances have a gimmick, they dance around with monitors. It's a nice gimmick, but their presentation of it sucks. XXX

American Hitmen (band) They performed "With A Little Help From My Friends" Let's hope it's friendly fire. Just because they fought for America, it doesn't mean they get magical passes. They sounded generic. XXX

Special Head (various) What in the blue hell was this? This was the stupidest thing I have ever seen. It's fitting that Special Ed here lives in a short bus.
XXXX

Fresh Faces (dancers) More stupid dancing. Made worse by the fact that it's a bunch of spoiled brats doing the dancing. They all remind me of JonBenet Ramsey. hopefully, they suffer the same fate. Fingers crossed.
XXX

Collins Key (magician) Wow! This was amazing! He had all 4 judges tweet something different. Then, he pulled a paper out of a box hung in the air, and revealed that he had already written down everything they tweeted! How did he do that? It certainly couldn't have been the "stagehand" in the back that brought out the ladder, which hid the paper that the stagehand used to write down the judges tweets. Certainly not. I got something to put on twitter for him, let's see if he can guess it. #Sucked
XXX

Kevin Downy Jr. (comedian) After this guy performed, I imagined Anthony Jeselnik telling some of these jokes. Only a couple of them were funny. This guy's delivery, and screeching, his body movements are all terrible.
XXX

Aaralyn and Izzy (band) Yep, it's the yelling girl who thinks she's metal. This was really fucking stupid.
XXXX

Alexandria the Great (escape artist) She got into a straight jacket. She got chained up. She went into a locked box full of water. She escaped. This was about as intense as a Dora the Explorer episode. Side Note, her blonde daughter was freakin hot.
XXX

The Kristeff Brothers (balancing act) Impressive stuff. And it was humorous. Best thing on this show thus far.
X

Hype (dancers) More stupid dancing. Same generic moves we see from this type of dance group.
XXX

Brenden James (opera singer) He was actually pretty good. He does have a decent voice on him.
XX