Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Review for American Idol Top 3 5/8/13

Nicki has more wigs than Mrs. Slocombe from "Are You Being Served?"

JIMMY'S PICKS

Kree: She sang P!nk's "Perfect." This performance was anything but. Kree, should think you are less than perfect, cause you are f'ing boring to me.

Candice: She sang U2's "One." Actually she sang the Mary J Blige cover. But here's the truth: U2 is one of the best bands the world has ever seen. It is a sacrilege for one of their songs to be spout out of the mouth of this foul creature.

Angie: Sang Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word."It's fitting that her name is Angela, cause she was downright angelic during this performance. We don't need a finale, crown Angie as the champ right now.

JUDGE'S PICKS + Home Town Welcome

Candice: Her home town visit was predictably cliched. However, in an ironic twist, we got to see Candice ride a moped. She visited her poor, huge family, went to her church, and pretended like the town was at her concert to see her, instead of the free hot dogs.

Speaking of predictable, she sang like crap.


Angie: She got the hometown welcome she deserved. She went back to Massachusetts, and Angie was the beacon of light that a place recently touched by such terrible darkness desperately needed. She may not be the singer Boston deserves, but she is the one it needs right now.

She sang P!nk's "Try." Do or do not, there is no try.And Angie did it. She nailed this one. Call NASA, there is a star being born right before our eyes.


Kree: Before her video package, Ryan tried to interview her. Kree's voice is so bad, that when she began to talk, her mic screamed out in protest. They really tried to play up the emotional factor with her home visit. Kree is an orphan, but you could tell she didn't care at all that her parents were dead. Just as long as she could exploit it. And exploit it she did.

I didn't know the song the judges picked for her, but I know this: this performance opened up new levels of hatred I didn't know I had within me. If I was eating some McDonald's and I saw Kree crawling out of a house yelling out "Help me!", I would push her back inside.

PRODUCER'S PICKS

The showed this season's eliminated Top Ten members. Paul Jolley injured his hand jerking off Lazaro.

Angie: She's the best. Period. Definitely one of the top 5 Idols of all time.

Kree: When I was 8 years old, I once went over to a friends house. His father was feeding some tree limbs into a wood chipper. We were playing with my friend's dog, throwing a Frisbee around. My friend threw it and a gust of wind caught it, blowing towards his father. The dog took chase and ran into the father. He stumbled and his arm went into the wood chipper. He manged to stop it and pulled out what was left of his arm. It was a bloody, torn up mess. You could barely see the bone through the ragged flesh and cloth. But that's not what was horrifying to me. What has stayed with me all these years was the screams. The father's screams. My friends screams. My screams. Those screams haunt my dreams and have me waking up in a cold sweat.

But, compared to Kree's singing, those screams are music to my ears.

Candice: Wow, this song really proved something: Candice is going home tomorrow.

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