The Last Review for Season 2 of The X-Factor

Dear X-Factor, don't ever use the music from the Inception trailer ever again. You don't deserve it.

Welcome to the Rigged-Facotr, where your vote counts, only if Simon Cowell and the producers approve of it.

The Hick: On my way home from work today, I had to take a detour. Its path took me by a cow farm. Having been a pleasant day outside, I had my window down halfway. I could smell cow manure and other various farm smells. It was horrendous. This smell shall be known as: "The Tate Stevens Smell."

The Retard: She sang an Elton John song, because she is retarded. My God in Hell, she is pathetic. This was so boring. I had to set the alarm on my phone just to make sure I would be awake after the performance was over. What a slap in the face to Mr. Elton John. But little did I know that the sacrilege would get worse.

The Scumbuckets: In "The Avengers", Bruce Banner tells Captain America that his secret to keeping The Hulk at bay is that he is angry all the time. If Bruce needs help staying angry, he should listen Emblem 3. Watching them perform, listening to them, it makes me want to curb stomp a baby.

Filth Harmony: This is terrible. This is not singing. This is every horrible act ever committed by humanity being consumed and purged out of the mouths of these 5 girls.

I can't stand it anymore. I'm done. No more X-Factor reviews this season.


While Tate was singing his second song, I was wondering if I was being too harsh.

Then Carly sang "Imagine" and Emblem 3 did "Hey Jude."


I want to meet Mark David Chapman. I want to thank him. My whole life, I looked at Chapman as a man who robbed the world of one of the most talented men to ever step foot on this miserable planet. But I was wrong. Chapman did us a favor.

You see, John Lennon does not have to hear people like Carly and Emblem 3 destroy his works of art. He does not have to suffer through it. Lennon died knowing the world loved his music. He doesn't have to exist in a world where people take his masterpieces and wipe their asses with them. Where people sing his songs thinking they can do a better job.

Lennon's greatness got him shot. Carly and the 3 jerkasses will never be that great. They will never know stardom the way The Beatles did. In the world of music, The Beatles are an ocean. Carly and Emblem 3 are just drops of dew on chilly Spring morning.

X-Factor Review for 12-5-12

UNPLUGGED

CeCe: Starting the night off on the right foot. This unplugged version of "Edge Of Glory" showcased her beautiful voice perfectly.

Douchebag 3: The electric instruments are the life support of this group. But somebody pulled the plug, so it was a flatline the whole way through.

Carly: When I take my notes while watching the show, I use a plain white sheet of paper. Doodling on the blank part of the paper was more entertaining than this performance.

5th Harmfully: Christ, another Adele cover. Enough of these damn contestants covering her songs. Adele is overrated. Just like 5th Harmony. Because if they even only get one person praising them, it's too much.

Diamond: This performance was like a glass of water being held by Michael J. Fox. It was all over the place.

Tate: Sang "Living On A Prayer" despite the fact that he doesn't have one.

THE PEPSI CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!


CeCe: She looks and sounds like 5 Million Dollars. She is simply amazing.

Jerkass 3: This clip from Family Guy says it all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eYSpIz2FjU

Carly: A one trick pony. If she wants to release an album, all she'll have to do is record one song for her CD and put these instructions on it "Repeat 14 times."

No Harmony: They don't need to give my heart a break, they need to give my ears a break. Awful.

Diamond: I believe this Diamond is merely a lump of coal. Sucks.

Tate: Sang "If Tomorrow Never Comes." Well, if it means never having to listen to Tate again, then I hope tomorrow doesn't come.